By Chris Lingebach

There is a thief among our ranks here at 106.7 The Fan.

Lurch conducted a social experiment, revealing on the air Tuesday he’d conspicuously placed a bag of limited-release Max Scherzer M&Ms in The Junkies’ studio after Monday’s broadcast, to see if they’d still be there the next morning.

“There was a bag of M&Ms that I had in my bag,” Lurch said. “So I decided to hide them somewhere in the studio… I didn’t hide them, like, where you’d have no shot at finding them, but you would have to look for a few minutes to get ’em. And when I walked in this morning out in the green room, they were shredded — the bag was shredded — like a hyena got to ’em.”

“I did notice, when I walked in, the bag is on the left, as we walked in past CK’s office,” Cakes said. “I mean, just M&Ms strewn all over the table.”

“Everywhere. They were everywhere,” Lurch said. “Bag shredded up. So I’m thinking to myself, ‘Who did that? Who found them?’ Because I don’t know who comes in the studio. I mean, obviously Dukes is here, but after that, I have no idea. So it might have been Dukes. Who knows?”

The Junks then rolled through a list of potential suspects (links to their Twitter accounts included to encourage citizen journalism): Drab; Valdez; Awadd; Chad Dukes; his producer, Jim Mullins; Nick Ashooh; and noted liar, Chris Russell.

“Did you hide ’em because you thought you would like to nibble on them at another time,” Eric Bickel asked.

“No, I kind of hid them because I wanted to see if anybody would find them and pummel them,” Lurch said. “There was a lot of M&Ms in there.”

“Where’d you put ’em,” Bickel asked.

“I put ’em behind the Terps helmet,” Lurch said. “Who else comes in here after Dukes?”

“Nobody, really,” Bickel said. “Nobody should be in here unless they’re just producers hanging out.”

“Well, they shouldn’t be using that studio anyways,” Valdez said, citing a long-held, but seldom followed, station policy. This will be important later.

Dukes, in an effort to clear his own name and finger the actual culprit, made clear on his Wednesday broadcast he was not at fault. Unfortunately, self-described ‘CDVTW Show Saboteur’ Jim Mullins ran the segment entirely off the rails before it could reach its destination.

“Did you steal the M&Ms,” Dukes questioned Mullins.

“I did not,” Mullins said, before adding (completely unwarranted), “I did eat them, though.”

Apoplectic, Dukes struggled to find words: “Okay. That’s… Okay, you’ve just… you kind of fast-forwarded again as you continue to sabotage my radio show. I’m really gonna need to have somebody that works on this show that doesn’t want to ruin it.”

Several hours later, Russell and Ashooh — scheduled together for the P.M. shift — made their way into The Junkies’ studio…

I guess we’ll see how Lurch addresses these developments Thursday morning.

Now? We wait…

Maybe Lurch has another… trick hidden up his sleeve…………….

A pocket Ace, you might say…………………………………………………………………………………

UPDATE — Russell and Ashooh spent 40 minutes on trial, on their own show, and a clear suspect has emerged.

Follow @ChrisLingebach and @1067TheFan on Twitter


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