by Patrick CannonBy Patrick Cannon

Dearest Robert,

You are a legend only in your own mind. I tried to support you for as long as I could. I hoped against logic that you would learn from your mistakes but now I realize that is impossible. You don’t want to learn because learning would mean admitting fault.

You are failing in all aspects of the quarterback position: physically, mentally, socially and morally.

Physically, you have terrible technique. Your coaches must vomit when they watch tape. Your footwork looks more like an audition tape for Footloose than a 3rd year NFL QB.

If your first read is covered there is a 90% chance that the play will be a debacle. How is that possible? You are an intelligent person. You have freakish athletic ability. You practice hard. How come you look so confused? Do you watch other quarterbacks? Emulate any of them!!!

Sure your offensive line stinks but you create the majority of sacks. You hold the ball too long. You run away from the pocket rather than stepping up into it. You rarely release the ball quickly and when you do it is inaccurate. You step into passes like there is a pool full of alligators in front of you.

You thrive only in the chaos you create. The few dynamic plays you have made since 2012 have come on plays where you scramble. Sometimes the scrambling is necessary but for the most part it appears you fear pockets. I’m sending you cargo shorts for Christmas.

You throw a beautiful deep ball…it sails to no one.

In 2012 you ran a gimmick offense that limited your decision making. You were a one-year flash-in-the-pan. You are the QB version of the Wildcat.

Mentally, you are regressing. The first play of the game yesterday summarizes everything that is wrong with you. Rather than throwing to one of your first two options, who were clearly open, you scramble, shuffle, and throw an inaccurate pass which was then bobbled and intercepted. You then threw your hands up in the air like a baby. You think you did no wrong and Niles Paul should have caught the pass. You set the tone for all subsequent failures.

The entire league knows that your body is as fragile as a Faberge egg but clearly the fragility had spread to your cerebral cortex.

Your decisions will eventually get one of your receivers killed.

How does someone with such an ego display zero confidence on the football field? I know you trust yourself so it must be that you don’t trust your teammates. You are the only QB in the league who is incapable of throwing a ball to a WR before he completes his route. You MUST see him open. This will never work. If you complete a back-shoulder throw I will die from shock.

Sure there are 53 men on the roster who need to play better, but it starts with you. You make everyone look worse. You turned Pierre Garcon into Patrick Swayze yesterday, Ghost.

Nonetheless, somehow your speeches make it sounds like you truly believe if RG3 had eleven RG3s on the team the RG3s would be unstoppable.

Socially, you should just plead the 5th in every postgame speech from here on out. Yesterday wasn’t the first time the ignorant words you uttered after a game made me throw a shoe, but it will be the last. I am done caring about you. The words that irked me the most were “Great quarterbacks, the Peytons, the Aaron Rodgers, those guys don’t play well if their guys don’t play well. They don’t.” HOW DARE YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THE COMPANY OF GREATNESS?!? You have accomplished NOTHING. You crown yourself!

No matter how many times your dad tells you “you are great” I assure you he is wrong. You’re 24, bringing your dad to show and tell concluded at age 7.

You are cheesy. The tweets, the postgame quotes, the forced pregame speeches, none of them inspire anyone. You aren’t getting anyone fired up with your hashtags and horse manure. Your passion seems phony to me through a television screen and I see nothing from your teammates to prove that assumption wrong.

You are a punch line. Griffin’ing has gone from a victory pose with your hands raised in pride to pointing fingers, distributing blame and alienating yourself from society. If you don’t wake up soon you’ll be on an island with a volleyball named Wilson in no time.

Morally, you are not a leader. No one will ever follow you. Your clichés and bible verses inspire laughter and eye rolling. Leaders set the tone through their actions, not their words.

You never hold yourself truly accountable. Every self-criticism comes with an asterisk. “We all need to get better.” “We won’t turn on each other.” I’d love to chalk those words up to the ignorance of youth but you have had three years to mature. By now you should have a better understanding of human interaction and the media.

You shill every product known to man. We can’t escape you. You torture us in our dreams.

You have a personal logo. Who is more pathetic, you or Adidas? You may very well change the way sponsorship contracts are written. What the hell are they going to slap that logo on when you are out of the league in four years?

In closing, it was unfair of us to expect you to be our savior. Our desperation set you up for this epic fall from grace. No one man can save this franchise.

Without a doubt ownership is the biggest problem. If you don’t agree with that now, Robert, you haven’t been here long enough. Maybe we can commiserate over a beer when you are 40 and catch up with the rest of us. I am sorry you came to this terrible place. Fortunately, you can leave. We can’t.

Kindest regards,

Distraught Redskins Fan

Follow Patrick on Twitter @RubGun and send your e-mail, questions and topic suggestions to

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