by Chris Lingebach

UPDATE (Wednesday): In quite possibly the greatest possible turn of events in response to Lurch making fun of Kirk Cousins’ dog, Kirk Cousins has tweeted a picture of his dog, which turns out to have been a foster pet … of which Lurch was making fun …

Even better, people noticed the sick, twisted, awful, scruffy little irony …

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) — Jason ‘Lurch’ Bishop of the Sports Junkies was just letting his Dutch Shepherd run free at the Old Izaak Walton dog park in Leesburg, Va. last Friday, he says, when he was introduced to Kirk Cousins’ “awful little white, scruffy little oversized rat dog.”

This is the same Kirk Cousins who second-string quarterbacks for the Washington Redskins.

Bishop relayed the story of his unfortunate interaction with Cousins’ dog on 106.7 The Fan on Monday morning. (Listen to the audio below)

“So this guy walks in, and I can just tell he’ a stud,” Bishop set the scene. “He looks athletic – he’s limping a little bit, though – and I’m like, ‘You know what? He definitely plays for the ‘Skins.’ He’s got to. White guy, comes in with a hot chick.

“So he comes in with this hot chick and another guy, and  they walk in, and I can just tell this guy’s a stud,  so I was thinking, ‘Alright, maybe he’s like a DB or wide receiver, maybe just like camp fodder’; but then  he’s wearing a Michigan State hat, and I’m like, ‘Hold on, that’s Kirk Cousins. 100 percent.’

“So he comes in with his – I think he’s recently married, Kirk Cousins – his wife’s pretty hot, by the way.

“Again, nobody picks a pig if you have your druthers,” EB chimed in. “If you’re a quarterback, no chance.”

“So they come in. They’ve got the little white, scruffy little oversized rat dog,” Lurch said.

“Maybe it’s a rescue dog,” Cakes reasoned. “C’mon, maybe he took pity on the poor dog.”

“Well, they should give it back,” Lurch insisted. “This dog was awful.”

“Kirk Cousins’ dog is awful?” EB asked.

“They bring it in. She carries it in, and they go and sit on this bench,” Lurch continued. “See, Luka likes to play.  She’s 6-months-old,   all she wants to do is play, and especially with younger dogs. She likes to go, just kind of,  swat ‘em around, nip at ‘em.

“So Kirk and his wife bring their dog in, and they go sit on the bench,” Lurch said.

“Oh, he’s used to sitting on the bench!,” Cakes zinged.

“So my dog immediately attracted to their dog, and wants to play with their dog.

“Does said dog have a name?” Cakes asked.

“Don’t know what their dog’s name is,” Lurch said. “But that dog went nuts. I mean, you would have thought like a hyena was chasing it. It was barking and trying to bite my dog.”

“So Kirk Cousins’ dog is untrained?” EB asked. “Is that what you’re insinuating?”

“No, it’s just unsociable,” Lurch clarified. “So my dog kind of goes over to the bench, and they’re all sitting at the bench. My dog kind of  goes under the bench, underneath Kirk Cousins’ legs. And I said, ‘Oh no, this is gonna be awkward.’ My dog clearly was not going to leave their dog alone.  So I went in, and I went under Kirk’s legs, I grabbed my dog, picked her up and said, ‘Sorry.’ Walked away. Put her down, she went to play with another dog for about five minutes,  she went right back to Kirk Cousins’ dog.

“And Kirk’s dog was going [vicious dog noises], trying to kill my dog. But my dog doesn’t realize the difference between playing and like an awkward response. So she goes back to his dog,  right underneath Kirk’s legs. I go right back, and I go under his legs and said, ‘Sorry again.’  I grabbed my dog, and then all of a sudden his wife says, ‘Yea, sorry, my dog’s just unsociable. I’m just trying to get her used to other dogs.’ And meanwhile, the dog’s going [more vicious dog noises].  And she goes, ‘Sorry about that.’ I said, ‘Okay, that’s fine.’  And I basically had to put my dog on a leash until they left.”

“100 percent chance they left because my dog wouldn’t leave their dog alone,” Lurch concluded.

In fairness to Cousins, his wife, and their reportedly awful dog, it seems obvious to point out Lurch’s dog appeared to be the aggressor in this instance, provoking Cousins’ dog to act in such an “unsociable” manner.

Listen to the full story below.


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