by: Blue Shorts

The stars came out to Arlington Cinema n’ Drafthouse Monday for the red carpet premier of the Junkies new television show, “Table Manners”, which airs Tuesdays at 11 p.m. on CSN Washington.

Britt McHenry, Jummy Olabanji  and Brianne Carter of ABC7, Tony Perkins and Dave Ross of Fox 5, Pro Bowler Lorenzo Alexander of the Washington Redskins, and even Kevin McCarthy of Fox and Friends fame, were all in attendance, just to name a few.

Listeners and local media celebrities alike, soaked up the spotlight while camera shutters flashed as they made their way down the long red carpet leading to the theater doors, where they’d later witness the debut of the Junks takeover of sports television programming in the nation’s capital.

Related: Photos From The “Table Manners” Premiere

But first, the local luminaries had to make it through the awkward gauntlet of questioning from a tuxedo-ed Blue Shorts, interviewing them like a taller, fatter Ryan Seacrest. Some gave the Junkies advice as they make their transition from radio into TV.

“Be themselves,” Olabanji said. “And I think they do a good job of that on the radio. So continue to be themselves and let that show on camera and I think people will love it.”

“It’s exciting to see,” Carter added. “I mean, we hear them on the radio all the time, so to see them in front of the camera, it’s a transition for whoever does it and they’re a crazy group of guys. We’re excited to see it.”

Then it got weird.

“What are you wearing tonight?” Blue Shorts requested.

“Who are you wearing?! Who are you wearing?” he quickly corrected himself.

That devastating trend would continue.

When asked the same question, Britt McHenry responded with class:

“I’m like a generic brand girl. I think you wear the outfit, not the outfit wears you.”

“Right. You’re…wearing it well,” Shorts creepily responded while (not) staring at her face.

She’s incredibly good-looking.

You can view the rest of the uncomfortable exchanges, including a post-premier interview with legendary Tony Perkins – interrupted by Ram, 6 Long Islands deep – by clicking here. And Blue Shorts should probably lose some more hair.

After the crowd found their seats and the lights were dimmed, resident comedian Danny Rouhier lightened the mood with a rousing comedy act, topped off by a brutally-honest roast of the men of the hour; the Sports Junkies.

He kicked off the skewering by thanking them for paying exactly zero dollars for his comedic services.

“‘Nah, just show up, it’s your privilege to be here.’ Obviously they’re ridiculously cheap. Not so cheap they drive around the beltway without brakes on.”

At one point he even made reference to Cakes and E.B.’s not-so-flattering appearance during the Caps television broadcast Friday, the highlight of which was E.B. snatching the microphone away from esteemed broadcaster Joe B.

“No, but in case you guys didn’t know about that, E.B. ‘ruined the broadcast.’ He handled it in a really mature way. He knows he’s going on television, he knows there are tens of thousands of fans watching, so he got drunk like a sophomore in high school.”

It really was a very funny five-minute joke-telling sequence filled with brutal jabs at the foursome. Listen here if you missed it (NSFW):

But the moment of the hour – the show’s debut – featured a sit-down interview with longtime NHL hitman Jeremy Roenick to make up Episode #1 of Table Manners.

Fearful of the show’s reception by fans and media – the very people whose opinions he holds most dearly – E.B. slouched into his chair as the lights dimmed once again, and the  massive silver screen lit up.

The moment was finally here.

Sixteen years in the making and it was finally the Junks moment to shine.

The crowd roared with belly laughs as E.B. prodded Roenick for the perverted details of party stories from his playing days; as Cakes effortlessly slipped timely zingers into tight windows from the corner of the table; even as J.P. needled for needless details; and especially when Lurch sniped all four with painful truths from the center of the white-clothed table.

It only took thirty minutes for the Junkies to prove one thing to the harshest of D.C. media’s critics, which is…D.C. media:

After moving from behind the mics and in front of the camera, with Table Manners, the Junkies have managed to recapture all the magic they’ve created everyday on the radio the last 16 years; that same magic  so many others have tried and failed to duplicate.

Table Manners is television gold.

Click here to view the photos taken throughout the premiere of Table Manners.

Follow Table Manners on Twitter. And make fun of Blue Shorts here. Danny makes jokes here.


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