TALE OF THE TAPE

Sports

  1. CHICAGO, IL - AUGUST 29: Jay Cutler #6 of the Chicago Bears participates in warm-ups before a game against the Cleveland Browns at Soldier Field on August 29, 2013 in Chicago, Illinois. The Browns defeated the Bears 18-16. TAMPA, FL - AUGUST 29: Quarterback Robert Griffin III of the Washington Redskins watches play against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers August 29, 2013 at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.
    Tale Of The Tape: Chicago Bears At Washington Redskins

    Quarterback Jay Cutler is making strides under head coach Marc Trestman, as he is less likely to take sacks and throw interceptions.

  2. JACKSONVILLE, FL - SEPTEMBER 29: Blaine Gabbert #11 hands off to Maurice Jones-Drew #32 of the Jacksonville Jaguars during a game against the Indianapolis Colts at EverBank Field on September 29, 2013 in Jacksonville, Florida. A nurse puts 3D glasses on the face of a surgeon before an operation at the Argenteuil hospital, in a Paris suburb, on July 25, 2013. AFP PHOTO / FRED DUFOUR
    Less Painful: Watching Jacksonville Or Undergoing Invasive, Unnecessary Surgery?

    With the Jacksonville Jaguars unable to do anything right, and turning in performances reminiscent of the ’62 Mets absent any of the charm, watching their games is beyond brutal.

  3. TAMPA, FL - AUGUST 29: Quarterback Robert Griffin III of the Washington Redskins watches play against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers August 29, 2013 at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida. ARLINGTON, TX - SEPTEMBER 08: Quarterback Tony Romo #9 of the Dallas Cowboys calls out while in the huddle in the first half against the New York Giants on September 8, 2013 at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas.
    Tale Of The Tape: Washington Redskins At Dallas Cowboys

    The bye week had to be good for RGIII, as it gave him one more week to rest and recover from the ACL injury that was supposed to have been fully healed when he started the season.

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    More Impressive Stats? Denver Broncos Offense Vs. Playing Madden On “Easy”

    The Broncos are on pace to break some crazy impressive records. But how do the 2013 Broncos measure up against when I play Madden on easy?

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    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

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    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.

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