Lurch

Lurch just wants to be as happy as Russian President Vladimir Putin, seen here playing with his adorable dogs in the snow, rather than asking the meaning of life. (Credit: Alexsey Druginyn/AFP/Getty Images)

Lurch Asks ‘What Will Make My Life Happy?’ En Route to Startling Revelation

Amidst Jason “Lurch” Bishop continuing his ongoing struggle to find the meaning of life, he made the shocking revelation that he’s considering adding a dog to his family. Now he needs your help weeding out the crap dogs, from the one that will finally bring him happiness.

07/30/2013

Yasiel Puig #66 of the Los Angeles Dodgers warms up on deck during the MLB game against the Arizona Diamondbacks at Chase Field on July 8, 2013 in Phoenix, Arizona. The Dodgers defeated the Diamondbacks 6-1. (Credit: Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

Guys, JP Clearly Knew About Puig Before All of You Okay

Yasiel Puig is 33 games into his young career, and already a finalist for the 2013 MLB All-Star Game, okay. So we can stop the charade and thank JP from the Junkies for bringing him to our attention.

07/09/2013

The chick Cakes pwnd in college. (Credit: JEAN-PIERRE CLATOT/AFP/Getty Images)

Viral Video: Cow Gets Pummeled While Getting Pummeled [NSFW]

While the headline really says it all, click this link if you want to watch a cow get nailed while uhhh … getting nailed.

07/02/2013

Yoko Ono, Ewadd's alleged killer of John Lennon. (Credit: JOHN MACDOUGALL/AFP/Getty Images)

Bet on Ewadd: Who Shot John Lennon?

The Junkies brought back an age-old classic – “Bet on Bret” – re-branded with new blood as “Bet on Ewadd.” The game took on a familiar feel because these two men share the same lack of knowledge for things that are common to everyone else. Yoko Ono.

06/20/2013

Ewadd open-palm slaps JP for Vine magic. (Credit: watchthejunkies.com)

Junkies Jump on Vine Wagon: Ewadd Slaps The Sh*t Out of JP

The Junkies are all about embracing new technologies early, which makes Vine the perfect social media device for JP to get leveled with an open-palm slap to the face on Tuesday, fulfilling the wishes of thousands who’ve suffered his sniveling for years.

06/04/2013

This is a plate of currywurst (whatever that is) that just happens to look exactly like JP's toe pics. (Credit: Adam Berry/Getty Images)

We Can All Just Admit That JP’s Disgusting, Right?

JP has disgusting, deformed toes and honestly needs to consider never exposing them to the world again, like he did on the show Tuesday morning. It was one of the most gut-wrenching things anyone’s ever heard, so you should probably read about it.

05/28/2013

(Photo credit:  Adam Berry/Getty Images)

Jason Bishop Doesn’t Know How to Type

As EB was nearing the end of telling a horror story about a prolonged stay in a waiting room Wednesday, Lurch dropped a showstopper that stunned the room, then sparked a beautiful jone session.

05/01/2013

This 24 May, 2006 image shows a bottle o

Sports Junkies: What if Your ‘Junk’ was Detachable?

EB unburdened himself of a disturbing recurring dream in which he detaches his ‘junk’, then rolls it up like PLAY-DOH and plays with it. After being ridiculed by the guys for being capable of such a disturbing thought, they entertained an even better thought: What if guys really could remove their ‘junk’?

04/26/2013

Actor Keanu Reeves poses during a photocall. (Credit: FRANCOIS GUILLOT/AFP/Getty Images)

The Junkies Have a Blind Spot for The Matrix

It should come as no surprise to Junkies listeners that the four donks from P.G. County are getting up there. So when they were asked to name which movie Neo, Morpheus and Agent Smith were in, what do you think happened? It’s only one of the biggest box office smashes of all-time…

04/25/2013

Washington Nationals v New York Mets

Davey Johnson: ‘A lot of us were on Monkey Tilt’

The Nationals have gone off the rails, losing eight of their last eleven games and Davey Johnson is sick and tired of it. Seriously guys. You’re putting him on monkey tilt.

04/24/2013

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