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Lurch

The chick Cakes pwnd in college. (Credit: JEAN-PIERRE CLATOT/AFP/Getty Images)

Viral Video: Cow Gets Pummeled While Getting Pummeled [NSFW]

While the headline really says it all, click this link if you want to watch a cow get nailed while uhhh … getting nailed.

07/02/2013

Yoko Ono, Ewadd's alleged killer of John Lennon. (Credit: JOHN MACDOUGALL/AFP/Getty Images)

Bet on Ewadd: Who Shot John Lennon?

The Junkies brought back an age-old classic – “Bet on Bret” – re-branded with new blood as “Bet on Ewadd.” The game took on a familiar feel because these two men share the same lack of knowledge for things that are common to everyone else. Yoko Ono.

06/20/2013

Ewadd open-palm slaps JP for Vine magic. (Credit: watchthejunkies.com)

Junkies Jump on Vine Wagon: Ewadd Slaps The Sh*t Out of JP

The Junkies are all about embracing new technologies early, which makes Vine the perfect social media device for JP to get leveled with an open-palm slap to the face on Tuesday, fulfilling the wishes of thousands who’ve suffered his sniveling for years.

06/04/2013

This is a plate of currywurst (whatever that is) that just happens to look exactly like JP's toe pics. (Credit: Adam Berry/Getty Images)

We Can All Just Admit That JP’s Disgusting, Right?

JP has disgusting, deformed toes and honestly needs to consider never exposing them to the world again, like he did on the show Tuesday morning. It was one of the most gut-wrenching things anyone’s ever heard, so you should probably read about it.

05/28/2013

File photo of a computer (Photo credit:  Adam Berry/Getty Images)

Jason Bishop Doesn’t Know How to Type

As EB was nearing the end of telling a horror story about a prolonged stay in a waiting room Wednesday, Lurch dropped a showstopper that stunned the room, then sparked a beautiful jone session.

05/01/2013

This 24 May, 2006 image shows a bottle o

Sports Junkies: What if Your ‘Junk’ was Detachable?

EB unburdened himself of a disturbing recurring dream in which he detaches his ‘junk’, then rolls it up like PLAY-DOH and plays with it. After being ridiculed by the guys for being capable of such a disturbing thought, they entertained an even better thought: What if guys really could remove their ‘junk’?

04/26/2013

Actor Keanu Reeves poses during a photocall. (Credit: FRANCOIS GUILLOT/AFP/Getty Images)

The Junkies Have a Blind Spot for The Matrix

It should come as no surprise to Junkies listeners that the four donks from P.G. County are getting up there. So when they were asked to name which movie Neo, Morpheus and Agent Smith were in, what do you think happened? It’s only one of the biggest box office smashes of all-time…

04/25/2013

Washington Nationals v New York Mets

Davey Johnson: ‘A lot of us were on Monkey Tilt’

The Nationals have gone off the rails, losing eight of their last eleven games and Davey Johnson is sick and tired of it. Seriously guys. You’re putting him on monkey tilt.

04/24/2013

Scott Stapp of Creed. (Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Cakes Gets Disgusting Face Disease Diagnosed

After creeping out his Junkies cohorts with what seemed like new rock formations on his face every week, John “Cakes” Auville finally consulted a doctor to explain the weird phenomena of disgusting Susan Boyles plaguing his mug. You won’t believe the diagnosis…

04/16/2013

US-IT-COMPUTER-TELECOM-INTERNET-ELECTRONICS-CES

Mike Tyson Blasts Cakes’ ‘Him’ Impression

Sometimes the world just unfolds its giant arms and gives you exactly what you desire. Listen to this mega awkward Junkies interview with Mike Tyson as Cakes tries out his Mike Tyson interview ON Mike Tyson. A moment years in the making…

04/10/2013

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