By Chris Lingebach

Disclaimer: If you’re here for a sports rant, just make this easy on yourself and click away.

Chad Dukes erupted on station management Wednesday over a monthly email that, in his view, negatively reinforces his shortcomings.

That email amounts to a blow-by-blow of monthly podcast download numbers. The Sports Junkies routinely blow away the rest of the 106.7 The Fan lineup, leaving Dukes and the Grant & Danny Show to scrap for second and third place.

It’s intended to be informative to the hosts, and a reminder, really, that plugging their own podcast page has real value.

But, lately for Dukes, it’s served as more of an unwanted reminder of ‘The Chad Dukes Wrestling Show’ he’s no longer doing, and that other shows are pulling better podcast numbers than him. So he asked, in a private email, to be taken off the monthly emails.

And then yours truly may have accidentally asked Dukes about said private email and why he sent it (whoops). As did the station’s program director, who was also not the recipient of said private email (double whoops).

“I do one less segment, so do that math,” Dukes began his rant Wednesday. “I have, every single day, four less segments, 20 less segments a week. Right? So that’s — I just don’t even have a chance to get those downloads. You understand what I’m saying? So if we’re in any type of competition, or any type of blank-measuring contest, I’m always gonna lose because I’ve got one less segment.”

“So the segments are downloaded separately,” Thom Loverro asked.

“Yes. We put them up by segment, so you download them segment-by-segment,” Dukes explained. “And again, this is not anything to do with Grant & Danny. I love those guys. They do a great job. They’re a huge show. They have great ratings. And I like them both individually very much as people outside of what they do on the radio. BUT, I get the email, and on a regular basis, here’s how the email goes:

The Junkies are killing it. They’ve just set a new record. Grant & Danny established themselves as a premier podcast destination.

“Alright. A month goes by…”

The Junkies, again, crush all podcast expectations. Grant & Danny, oh my God! Pledge fealty to them. If you have any virgin daughters, drag them in here.

“And it’s just week after week after month after month of me being negatively reinforced by this guy, Mike Gartell. Now, here’s the problem… MENTION THE FACT THAT I’VE GOT ONE LESS SEGMENT AT LEAST! Or at least have it be part of the conversation! Or use some sort of algorithm where we can take that into account, because I’m looking at my ratings, and they’re killer! They’re gang-buster.”

“I’m doing really well for myself,” Dukes continued. “I’m getting ratings bonuses. I didn’t get ratings bonuses with Lavar & Dukes. I’m getting them with this, right? I’m doing a good job. This is not me saying it. This is the plan that we have instituted on how we figure out what the ratings are.”

Dukes relayed that he asked to be taken off the monthly emails, “because I don’t need to see this every month.”

“Yes! That was gonna be my suggestion,” Loverro chimed. “Just tell him to take you off the list!”

“You’ve beaten me to the finish line,” Dukes said. “Yet again, Loverro. I’m in the bathroom…. I sent this email to this guy, Gartell, privately. Privately. I said, ‘Can you just take me off this list? I don’t do the wrestling show any more. I don’t want to see these emails any more. He responds: ‘Great. No problem.’ I’m like, okay. Problem solved. This is great.

“I get ambushed in the bathroom. I get gang-banged by Chris Lingebach and Chris Kinard, the C&C Chucklehead Factory. They’re sitting in there going, ‘Hey, why’d you want to get taken off that list? You know you have to stay on that list, right? You have to stay on the list. You have to see what the downloads are.’ And I’m like, ‘Well why do you even know about this email? And why do I have to stay on the list?'”

(Please don’t fire me.)

“I don’t need to know how many podcast downloads The Junkies, or Grant & Danny, or Crashing The Fiasco have, or any of these other shows that are on this radio station,” Dukes railed on. “No disrespect, Thom. I love you. I don’t care how many downloads you have for you and Andy Pollin’s show. I want you to be successful. I want you to earn a million dollars, but I don’t care. It doesn’t change anything about what I do with my life.”

“And I’m being told that I have to be on this email,” he continued, “which requested to be on in the first place! And now I’m requesting to be off it, because I get enough negative reinforcement from the phones and from social media, from my listeners! And from Broc Leesner, and Landfill and the other guy. Jared.”

“So now, instead of just the people in the radio station who know that you wanted off,” Loverro noted, “the whole world knows now?”

“I guess! I guess somebody came in with a big bass drum and came marching up and down the hall and told everybody!” Dukes screamed. “Hey, Dukes wants off this email address. What’s going on? What type of loser is this? They had some sort of pow-wow behind the scenes! So what I wanted to ask you is am I a paranoid, delusional maniac for having this thought process?”

“Well, the fact that it happened in the bathroom I think brings up that whole issue about you being locked away in a bathroom when you were young,” Loverro said.

Follow @ChrisLingebach and @1067TheFan on Twitter

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