WASHINGTON — Redskins team president Bruce Allen was in the news this week after discussing quarterback Kirk Cousins’ future and the current state of the front office while at a charity function.
Allen addressed the vacant general manager position, left behind by Scot McCloughan, who was fired in March, six weeks before the NFL Draft.
“We’re getting close to having a final plan,” Allen said of filling the position, adding that the Redskins have interviewed “over a dozen” candidates. Though he hedged those remarks by saying they’ve learned “a lot about other strategies and structures around the league,” saying they’re looking to add “at least one, two, maybe three people.”
The Sports Junkies took issue Tuesday not so much with what Allen said, but with how he said it.
“My God, I hate him,” Eric Bickel said.
“So that means nothing,” said John Auville. “We’re getting close to having a plan.”
The Junkies then listened to Allen’s comments regarding the ongoing contract negotiations with Cousins.
“I’m always an optimist,” Allen said of getting a long-term deal done. “He’s having a good offseason so far, he’s working well with his new teammates and his former teammates. We’re looking forward to it. I’m still optimistic.”
“His former teammates? What an idiot,” Bickel said. “You mean his current teammates. His old teammates. What is he saying? He’s working with his current teammates and his former teammates?”
“He doesn’t even know how to speak English,” he said. “You just mean the guys on the team last year. Not his former teammates. What is he working out with Santana Moss?”
“Is he throwing balls to DeSean?” Auville zinged.
“That doesn’t bother you?” Bickel asked.
“That doesn’t bother you, that he can’t master the English language,” he asked again. “He doesn’t even understand.”
“That’s your fearless leader of your personnel department,” Auville said.
“I mean we all make mistakes, but he doesn’t know the quarterback,” Bickel said, in reference to Allen repeatedly mispronouncing ‘Kirk’ as ‘Kurt.’ “Do you realize what a buffoon this guy is that’s running our organization? He doesn’t even know the quarterback’s first name. And then he’s talking about throwing to former teammates. What do you mean former teammates, you moron?”
“He either doesn’t know his first name, or he intentionally disrespects him by calling him the incorrect name,” Auville said.
“I think he’s just stupid,” Bickel said. “And I’ve said that, I’ve been on record. It’s my opinion. There’s no basis in fact, other than plenty of anecdotal evidence, that Bruce Allen is a moron. He doesn’t know his name. He can’t get it straight! Why is he calling them former teammates? Can you guys obsess on this with me, please?”
“Well, I don’t understand why he would say that,” Jason Bishop said.
“Because he’s stupid!” Bickel shouted.
“Unless he’s throwing to guys he played in college with,” Bishop added.
“He’s not!” Bickel said.
“Or guys who, like I said, guys who used to play for the Redskins,” Bishop said.
“That’s not what he’s saying!” Bickel insisted.
“Which I don’t understand why he would do that,” Bishop said. “But, maybe he is.”
“No, he’s just saying former teammates because he’s stupid,” Bickel said. “Are you with me? He’s stupid!”
“I think he could be talking about Michigan State guys,” their producer, Matt Cahill, theorized. “He’s not going to say former teammates unless he’s talking about old…”
“He was talking about his new teammates,” Bickel said. “And then instead of saying ‘and his current’…”
“He’s talking about guys like Jamison Crowder,” John-Paul Flaim said. “He’s talking about guys who have played with him the last couple of seasons.”
“Yeah, that’s what he meant,” Bickel agreed.
“Well, they’re not former teammates,” Auville said. “They’re teammates.”
“Right,” Bickel agreed. “He’s just a moron. Just accept he’s a moron, man!”
The Junkies went on to pick apart one final Allen quote: “I think even Kirk said it: There’s a lot of players on the league on one-year deals.”
“There’s a lot of players on the league on one-year deals,” Auville repeated for comedic effect.