WASHINGTON — This story begins with an awkward radio exchange between pals.
Each day, these pals — let’s call them ‘Grant’ and ‘Danny’ — co-host a sports-talk radio program, but once per day, they break from the rigid sports format to share stories completely unrelated to sports. Strictly for clerical purposes, we’ll refer to this segment henceforth as the ‘Double Play.’
The Double Play generally serves as a delightful reminder that, outside Grant and Danny’s perfectly constructed sports bubble, another world, one continuously tugged between war and peace, exists.
One day, the Double Play took an atypical sour turn, as Grant uncharacteristically rebuffed his pal Danny’s attempt to share what he thought to be an interesting ‘nugget’ of information. This bite-sized nugget happened to highlight a rather unique coincidence about some Redskins draft picks, past and present. But on this fortuitous day, Grant, for reasons of his own, found this nugget neither helpful nor interesting.
A bitter war of words, one more emblematic of that cruel outside world, broke out. Their rock-solid friendship, if even for a brief few moments, had begun to quiver. Judgments were made, and one another’s foundation of shared interests suddenly seemed shaken to its core.
28. April. 2017.
“You clearly didn’t care,” Danny protested. “You clearly didn’t like it. I don’t know there’s need to start making fun of people.”
“I don’t know. I’m not making fun of you,” Grant objected. “I’m just telling you, I don’t know. I don’t care about that.”
My, how the cruel winds of contempt did flap.
As war begot temporary peace, the warring parties set out to diminish the claims of the poor scribe, charged with — for the sake of posterity, for future generations — the unenviable task of recording their historic strikes against one another. They had discovered a common enemy.
Eventually, as the world is wont to do, peace eventually ceded control to war, and battle raged on, once more.
3. May. 2017.
Grant: “Do you know about the American Bulldog? This guy?”
Danny: “No other file other than what you just said.”
Grant: “Any interest in him?”
Grant: “Pretty cool looking dog, right?”
Danny: “It looked nice. It was a good photo.”
Grant: “By the way, just so we’re all on the same page, this is what I did to you the other day and it became the biggest story in show history. Blue Shorts laughed about it for three hours, wrote a story about it. Thom told me I was the biggest jerk he’d ever met.”
Sometimes we laugh, so we don’t cry.
Danny: “Well, I’m trying to be nice and saying ‘that looks fine.'”
Grant: “No, I’m not blaming you.”
Danny: “Well, I’m saying here’s the difference. You went, ‘Yeah, uh, maybe we should just talk about dogs on the show today. Maybe we should just do a dog show. Maybe we can do the Kennel Club.’ There was a different level of… you accused me of talking about a high school all-star game or something, when it was just three… it’s not important to rehash it. I don’t know what to say.”
How bitter war can be.
Grant: “I’m just saying, occasionally one of us is interested in something and the other one isn’t. It’s not the end of the world. And I’m not blaming you, I’m using this as an opportunity to point out that everyone overreacted to that.”
Fact Check: The world flocked to the station website in near-record numbers to witness this bit of history.
Danny: “Well, that’s true. At least there was a post written about it.”
Reenter: The common enemy.
This part of the world, for now, has resumed peace. The rest weeps.