I was recently asked to make a bold sports prediction for 2015. My initial response was understandably deemed a bit too racy to be included in CBS’s national piece but I am here to share it with you, unabridged. I doubt that the dozens of you who have been following this blog since it began last summer will be shocked. By now you’ve probably realized that over-the-toptitude is a defining characteristic of my rants.
And, as a special bonus, if you stick around through the end of this tirade you’ll find some bonus D.C.-centric sports predictions, free of charge. Today only: FREE HOT SPORTS TAKES FROM THE FUTURE.
In 2015, Roger “The Iron Fist of Hypocrisy” Goodell will have sex with an owner’s wife and finally be fired.
I’m sorry, that’s wrong, nothing can stop the NFL; the league will continue to deteriorate as a product while its profits grow. This is because America is addicted to gambling. In a country where gambling becomes less taboo each year, the NFL is king. From daily fantasy sports leagues (which will explode in 2015), to your good old-fashioned Super Bowl squares, betting on football is a rite of passage in this country.
The NFL has a stranglehold on the gambling market. Just thinking about the time and commitment that it would take to care about the other sports with their 82 and 162 game seasons exhausts us. It’s too time-consuming, we’re too busy, this isn’t Europe. Give us the NFL! We can handle one two three days of games per week.
When the NFL games start to last longer than a flight from NY to LA, do we stop watching? Hell no! How about an inexplicable expansion of penalties, a flawed replay system, and handcuffing defenses? Nope, don’t care, more touchdowns! FANTASY POINTS!
Here is a quick rundown of things that prove the NFL can do anything it wants and we will keep shelling out cash and crawling back every Sunday, Monday, and sometimes Thursday: murder, rape, domestic violence, suicide, child abuse, animal cruelty, referee lockouts, fights in stadiums and parking lots, brain damage, drug abuse, suicide, cover-ups, hit lists, double standards, espionage….have we had a kidnapping yet? Well, there’s always next year. Nothing stops the money train.
Bonus sports predictions for 2015:
- Every professional D.C. sports team will make the playoffs, except the Redskins. Which reminds me of a great quote I saw following the Winter Classic:
The more memorable sporting events don't involve the Redskins, the more marginalized they become. Great job, D.C. #WinterClassic—
The Natidude (@TheNatidude) January 02, 2015
- RG3 will not sign an extension with the Redskins and will leave the team via free agency. However, he will continue to sell you subs and ruin Twitter indefinitely.
- Jay Gruden will be fired at the conclusion of the 2015 season. I like Gruden and I believe in McLoughan. What I do not believe is that Daniel Snyder has learned patience. This team is not one draft away from being competitive and next year will again be tough. Unfortunately, Gruden will be the scapegoat in 2015.
- By the end of 2015, John Wall will be the consensus best point guard in the NBA.
- The Capitals will lose in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, restoring the same old questions regarding their toughness and whether their style of play will ever translate to post-season success.
- The Nationals will finally win a playoff series, but not a championship.
- Jordan Zimmermann will win the N.L. Cy Young and Bryce Harper will have his best statistical year thus far.
- The Terps basketball team will return to the Sweet 16 for the first time since 2003 (wow, has it really been 12 years? Miss you, Gary).
- Tiger Woods will not win another Major before his 40th birthday, December 30, 2015. Meanwhile, Rory McIlroy will win his fifth Major this year.
- One of the four major sports will see a repeat champion, be it the Seahawks, Spurs, Kings or Giants.
Feel free to tell me how stupid these predictions were all year long, and play along by sharing your inconsequential predictions for 2015 on Twitter @RubGun or in the comments section below.
If you don’t like what he has to say shout at Patrick on Twitter @RubGun and send your e-mail, questions and topic suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org.