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Cakes Must Face Irrational Fear of Leaving the Country After Winning Poker Tourney

by Chris Lingebach
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Cakes will be here. Seems incredibly terrifying. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Aruba In Style)

Cakes will be here. Seems incredibly terrifying. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for Aruba In Style)

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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Cakes emerged the victor of the three Junkies to participate in their first annual PPC Poker Stop, held at Maryland Live! Casino on Saturday, meaning he’ll be traveling with the winning listener to Aruba for the Players Poker Championship.

Now, if you’re familiar with Cakes’ history of traveling out of the country — he doesn’t do it, ever — then you can immediately see the hilarity in his big win.

And yet, he’s still thrilled to take the trip. But not for the reason you may think.

“It’s very unlike you,” EB said of Cakes’ enthusiasm, Monday on the air. “You got it in your head you wanted to go to Aruba.”

“He doesn’t want to actually go to the beach in Aruba,” JP explained. “He doesn’t want to take his wife. Like, for me if I won, it’s a free trip. I mean, think about this: You go to Aruba, the trip is valued at four grand. So, if you go and you were to take your wife — you do have to buy her a plane ticket, let’s say that’s a thousand dollars. She’s got a free place to stay, everything. It’s like a second honeymoon, the honeymoon that Cakes never had. He’s only been to Jamaica.” 

“But he wants to go because there’s a poker tournament to play in,” EB revealed.

“He’s not entertaining that notion,” JP said in disbelief.

“Aruba is so secondary to me. You don’t’ even understand,” Cakes admitted.

Basically, Cakes is willing to overlook his irrational fear of traveling beyond the borders of these United States because he’s locked into the notion of playing in and winning the tournament.

Allowing a few more hours to pass for Cakes to fully digest the gravity of the situation, I reached out to him for exclusive groundbreaking comment.

Asked how ‘cised’ he is to leave the county, Cakes said via text message, “Not that cised. I wish there was an Aruba, Md.”

I was also able to confirm Cakes does, in fact, not currently have a passport, which, if the tournament were tomorrow, would mean he could not, in fact, actually travel to Aruba. Again, all of these details have been independently confirmed by me. (Please properly attribute when tweeting.)

“I applied for a passport,” Cakes said confirmed.

He’ll be departing the safety of the country the week of Oct. 15.

Listen below for the full segment. Also, the Lurch Papa got boned.

Cakes Wins Trip to Aruba

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