Junkies Taken for a Ride by Drunken Caller Claiming to be Heroin Addict

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
View Comments
Drugs are prepared to shoot intravenously by a user addicted to heroin. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

Drugs are prepared to shoot intravenously by a user addicted to heroin. (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

Sports Junkies The Sports Junkies
Read More
More From The Sports Junkies

Sports Fan Insider

Keep up with your favorite teams and athletes with daily updates.
Sign Up

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – A “high-end prostitute” in California was charged Wednesday with manslaughter, administering heroin to another person, administering bodily harm, moving heroin across county lines, possession of heroin, destroying or concealing evidence, and prostitution, in the death of Google executive, according to CNN.

Alix Catherine Tichelman (the high-end prostitute), was arrested and charged after Forrest Timothy Hayes was found dead aboard his 50-foot yacht on Nov. 23 of last year, CNN reports.

Also Read: Blue Shorts Joans on His Dad

The story made the rounds, all the way into the show binders of the Junkies, and shortly after discussing the case on their radio Thursday morning, they received a call from ‘Steve in Chesterfield,’ who took the Junks for an unexpected, wild, thirty-minute ride.

“Good morning, really? I don’t know how good this morning is,” Steve in Chesterfield said.

Bear with me through the prolonged setup. It’s worth it.

“Uh, oh. We got one of those,” Lurch said.

“Are you hammered? Have you been drinking?” EB asked Steve in Chesterfield.

“N-, drinkin’? N-, yea, lil’ bit, but that’s not my point. My point is like, you were talking about that uh, that chick that killed the dude,” Steve in Chesterfield clarified his previously unclear point.

“Yea, the Google executive, right,” EB said.

“That’s what it said on the headline: ‘Chick Killed Dude,'” Cakes said.

“Right,” EB said.

“Right,” Steve in Chesterfield said. “Um. I’ve got that whole situation going on in my life, man.”

“What do you mean?” Lurch asked.

“What company are you an executive of, by the way?” Cakes asked. “Can you tell us?”

“What?” Steve in Chesterfield struggled to comprehend through his alcohol, allegedly.

“No, just go ahead with your story,” Cakes said.

“What do you do for a living, Steve [in Chesterfield]?” EB asked.

“Uh, I don’t want to said,” Steve in Chesterfield said.

“Just like generally speaking,” EB said. “What are you a dentist, what are you?”

“What industry are you in?” Lurch prodded.

“I’m in medical field,” said Steve in Chesterfield.

“The medical field. Well, I know you’re not a doctor. What are you scrub the floors at a hospital or somethin’?” EB asked.

“Uh, no. I … [two second pause] … mannnn,” Steve in Chesterfield said, clearly with an allegedly drunken nerve been touched.

“Alright, hold on. Let’s just let him tell his story,” Lurch insisted.

Steve in Chesterfield’s (SIC) story:

SIC: Alright. I’ve got, um, I’ve got a little, like, I guess you guys call it a ‘side piece.’

EB: Right. You’ve got a jump-off.

SIC: Yea. And she kinda hooks me up with the same deal that this dude that got killed, she hooks me up with some drugs … stuff.

Lurch: What kind of drugs?

SIC: Smack.

EB: Wow.

Lurch: And how long have you been married?

SIC: [Weird long laugh] Too long.

EB: No, how long, roughly? Five years?

SIC: Seven.

Lurch: So is this side piece an actual working girl? Or is she just like a girlfriend?

SIC: No, working girl. I, I, dude, I pay out the butt for this, man.

Over the course of the next half hour (I’m serious), the Junkies would learn the following details about Steve in Chesterfield:

  • His drug of choice is heroin
  • He injects it in his butt(?)
  • He sees his ‘side piece’ twice a week
  • He pays $250 cash for the hotel room where he meets her, drugs, and sex
  • He’s been doing heroin for ‘many years’
  • He’s not worried he’ll die from his addiction
  • He doesn’t need saving
  • He lives on a 3-acre property
  • He’s an anesthesiologist (without a medical degree)
  • He makes six figures
  • He’s a complete f’ing liar

Some of his lines, though, were rather convincing. Take this one for example: “When I head that story about that dude getting killed … that’s what freaked me out, because, this is a, what? High-paid exec, and I’m kind of in that sitch, and he got killed because of some crazy b*tch (nice rhyme), and I don’t wanna get …”

It would honestly take about 35 minutes before the Junkies were able to uncover the truth, that ‘Steve in Chesterfield’ took ‘em for a ride.

But it was great theater (they would even take calls) and all but Cakes seemed convinced.

Ultimately, it was the revelation that Steve in Chesterfield ‘went to University of Maryland College Park’ where he received his PhD.

“And don’t the medical students for Maryland go to Baltimore? Isn’t that where the medical campus is?” Cakes astutely asked.

“It’s not, it’s Med School,” Steve in Chesterfield said.

“What is it?” EB asked.

“For anesthesiology, it’s not Med School,” SIC said. “I don’t have a medical degree, I have a PhD.”

“Well, now I know you’re lying,” EB said. “Alright, God bless ya.’ Now I know you’re lying. Cakes wins. Cakes wins.”

“Sniffed it out! I’m right for once!” Cakes exclaimed.

“He had us going for thirty minutes,” Valdez accurately noted.

There you have it. The whole think was a work. Or a shoot. Or whatever term wrestling fans use to describe something that isn’t real, like wrestling.

Heroin Caller Segment 1

106.7 The Fan

Heroin Caller Segment 2

106.7 The Fan
View Comments
blog comments powered by Disqus
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,649 other followers