by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) — Let’s take a break in our days from the monotonous Redskins name debate, and talk about something serious, like EB’s million-dollar billion-dollar poo foam idea that will revolutionize the Don’s Johns industry.

One day when a potential employer is reviewing my work, contemplating whether to possibly hire me, they’ll come across this article and make the snap judgement, that, ‘He really could have only used the word poop or variations of ‘seven times, instead of twelve, here,’ and it will cost me high-paying work.

Until that day, here’s EB’s rant from Tuesday morning, in which he adamantly demands (screams) all Porta-Potties be equipped with a poop foam, released by a push button, which magically rids any Porta-Potty of any poop, poo, or poo-like particles, while also clearing the air of any residual pooey fragrances.

His inspiration: a temporary bathroom installed at a golf course in Chicago.

“So what they did was, they put this environmentally friendly little bathroom thing in there — it’s a nice house — but the bathroom is just, it’s not a real running water bathroom, it’s like basically a hole,” EB explained. “But then a toilet — a real toilet — and then it has like this foam that goes in there.”

“But you can’t flush it anywhere?” Lurch sought clarification.

“Yea, you hit a button and a foam comes out and it disintegrates your mess,” EB said.

“So the chemicals in the foam break it down?” Lurch asked.

“The chemicals break it down, and it keeps the smell away or whatever, okay,” EB said. “I thought it was trifling, but that was what they had at that point.

“For Port A Potties, I think this can be as ubiquitous and as popular as hand sanitizer, okay. You go in a Porta-Potty now, they have hand sanitizer. You go anywhere, they have hand sanitizer. Porta-Potties need this foam!”

It was at this point, that EB went on a screaming tirade demanding all Porta-Potties become equipped with poo foam.

Lurch: What foam is it?

EB: I don’t know!

Lurch: Oh. You don’t know the name of the foam?

EB: No. No. Here’s what they have to have! This could be as– Cakes, is you invented Port A Potties, would you be a rich man?

Cakes: Absolutely.

EB: If you invented hand sanitizer, would you be a reach man?

Cakes: Billionaire.

EB: Okay. The best of both worlds right here. Every Port A Potty needs a foam! You deuce! You hit the button! The foam! It hides the poop! And it quells the stench! It gets rid of the stench! So you don’t see it!

Lurch: Hey, I just Googled this. First thing that came up: ‘Mysterious poop foam causes explosions on hog farms.’

JP [laughing]: Serious lawsuit.

EB: Alright, well whatever. You gotta refine it. You gotta refine it!

JP: You end up getting sued and lose millions.

Lurch: The poop foam is dangerous to the human population!

If nothing else, maybe a great t-shirt could spawn from it.

Listen to both segments (they actually took calls on it) below.


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