by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Eric Bickel of the Sports Junkies believes 20-year-old Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback Jameis Winston, who won a National Championship as a redshirt freshman,  is now “undraftable” because he got caught stealing crab legs.

Winston reaching the point of undraftability, in Bickel’s opinion, was the compounding result of also having been accused of sexual battery, stemming from an incident in Dec. 2012, of which the charges against Winston were later dropped (as in not guilty by the letter of the law).

Winston, who threw for 4,057 yards and 40 touchdowns in 2013, was cited by the Leon County (Fla.) Sheriff’s Department, responding to a Publix grocery store in Tallahassee after “someone had left without paying for 32.72 worth of food.”

Winston has since been suspended from the Florida State baseball team, for which he also plays, and will serve community service before returning to the diamond.

“This is God just under-handing softballs to radio hosts,” Bickel said on 106.7 The Fan Wednesday morning.

“When the Heisman Trophy winner, who’s dodged a rape allegation in the past, who’s had controversy swirling around him, okay, when he gets caught stealing,” he continued. “What are they? Crab legs? Alaskan Crab legs? He had crawfish too? From the local Publix, okay, it doesn’t get any easier than that as a radio host. I mean, spectacularly stupid decision by this kid. And again, as I said yesterday – I was telling you guys off the air – to me, he’s on the FUBAR list. You can’t draft a kid like this!”

“When you’re coming off such a close call with a rape case like this, and then you show this kind of lack of judgment, you just can’t draft him!” he shouted. “He’s undraftable, regardless of the talent.”

There’s more.

“If you were a potential first-round pick, and you have everybody around saying ‘Listen, just keep your nose out of trouble. You’re gonna be a first-round pick, you’re gonna sign a $20-million deal, you’re gonna have an endorsement deal with Nike, you’re gonna be doing Subway commercials with Subway Bob, just stay out of trouble.’ And you can’t do it? You’re a spectacular moron.”

In fairness to Bickel, he would go on to allege in a later segment Winston may have been receiving free goods, an NCAA violation, during his entire time at Florida State.

“It could be a deal where he’s used to just getting free stuff all the time, and he just assumed he was getting it, and just kind of walked out, kind of not thinking, because he’s literally used to not paying for anything, because he’s DA’ MAN,” he said.

“Maybe there was a different employee that day,” Lurch went along for the hypothetical ride.

“Exactly,” Bickel said. “And I have to back off a little bit and say that is a plausible scenario. As someone who’s been on the receiving end, we all have, of being hooked numerous times at certain places, I could see that potentially happening.”

Big Time.

“But didn’t he tell the investigator, the police, that he just forgot?” Lurch asked.

“Well, because, here would be my guess on that,” Bickel said. “And I think it’s unlikely, but it’s possible. Well because, it’s a violation of NCAA rules if he admits that he’s been accepting free stuff all the time, and he just forgot. So the lesser of the two evils is to just take the citation for the $30 crab legs and don’t admit that you’ve been getting free stuff for three years.”

This is just God under-handing softballs to writers who transcribe radio hosts.

The audio clips are below.

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