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True Detective: Junkies Compete for #GoodDayDC Attention Dollars

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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Right there. You see that? That's proof of a repulsive abuse of power and privilege. (Credit: @BlueShortsLIFE)

Right there. You see that? That’s proof of a repulsive abuse of power and privilege. (Credit: @BlueShortsLIFE)

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RICK SPRINGFIELD, Va. (CBSDC) - A recent hashtag promotion by Fox 5 has brought to light some underhanded self-promotional practices run amok from within 106.7 The Fan’s talent pool.

#GoodDayDC has been utilized by Fox, as of late, to aggregate tweets talking about its morning program, “Good Day DC,” even highlighting a few of the best by displaying them across the bottom of the screen on the live feed of the show.

Herein lies the source of grave deception.

A select few of the Junkies (supporting cast not excluded), who frequently appear on Fox 5 as sports correspondents (for lack of better phrasing) during morning drive, have been abusing their position of power to overrun the bottom of Fox 5’s live feed with their very own self-promoting tweets.

Prior to Thursday’s show, Drab and JP seemed to be the most egregious offenders of such unholy practice.

But the Junkies’ Thursday hit on Fox, in the 9 o’clock hour, would reveal a more devious abuser.

“JP and Drab, they look forward to the 9 o’clock hour every day now, so they can craft their tweet that they’re going to send to #GoodDayDC,” Cakes announced, live during the 106.7 The Fan/Fox 5 simulcast.

“They’re not paying attention to the radio show anymore,” EB said. “As soon as you guys come on at 9, they’re focused on the tweets; they’re having a battle who can get their tweets seen first by you guys.”

Then an unsettling development unfolded.

As Drab and JP were being castigated, EB’s own self-promoting tweet appeared on the television screen, in perfect timing, for all to bear witness to his unscrupulous behavior, as if some master puppeteer was hard at work behind the scenes, pulling the strings at the precise moment to yield maximum drama.

“He’s talking smack, but what did you do?! BUSTED! RIGHT THERE ON THE TV!” JP shouted, probably louder than most television viewers were accustomed to hearing.

Perhaps having taken True Detective too seriously, I decided to interrogate each of the major players in this made-for-television drama, crafting a convenient narrative for them in hopes of catching them in their own deception, à la Rust Cohle.

I disguised my own intentions, presenting myself as an ally with nothing but their best interest at heart: buttering each of them – EB, JP and Drab – up, first, with a softball question, only to reveal my true intention by lobbing the a-bomb directly into their unsuspecting faces thereafter.

Suspect No. 1:

Me: Why were you so cised?

JP: Just a stupid game Drab and I were playing.

Me: Did you get your tweet up?

JP: I don’t know if my tweet went there today. I believe that the first Junkies tweet on there was mine a few days ago.

Me: Did that get you cised?

JP: It got me sized.

The A-bomb: Were you distraught when your tweet didn’t make it on the screen Thursday, and Drab’s and EB’s did?

“Not really,” JP lied to my face. “It’s for the good of the collective show.”

Suspect No. 2:

Me: Were you cised when your Tweet made it on TV and JP’s didn’t?

EB: Butt sizedddddddd. But that wasn’t my intention.

The A-bomb: Are you sure?

Low and behold, it was the man most straightforward about his disgusting acts of self-aggrandizement all along, who proved the purest of spirits.

Suspect No. 3:

Me: How does it make you feel that EB’s tweet was on TV longer than yours?

“Well, its’ very disappointing, because all I care about is getting my tweet on TV,” Drab said. “But shocker, JP has turned this into the most competitive event in the history of sports radio, so he’s taking all the fun out of it.”

At least someone in this world still has some decency.

Don’t thank me. I’m merely a vessel sent to expose the vast, repulsive abuse of power by men of privilege, and previously of honor.

Time is but a flat circle.

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