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Lurch Initiates Violent Tone Shift, Ending Show to Watch March Madness (Audio)

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - The buzz from March Madness is in the air. It’s palpable. Electric.

As of this writing, cube-dwellers across this fine land — the backbone of our hardworking nation — are lining up outside their bosses’ offices with unexpected wooziness — It may be a stomach virus. I hear that’s going around. I wouldn’t want to get the entire office sick — to flee their nine-to-fives for the bar stool sanctuaries.

Not even the Sports Junkies — who spend four hours a day deeply immersed in sports talk radio — are immune to its seductive lure.

“Can’t Wait! C’mon let’s wrap it up so I can get on the roaaaaad,” Lurch said, full of enthusiasm for life, two seconds into the 56th minute of the 4th hour of the show.

“Looks like he shaved,” JP said of Lurch, almost as if seeing him for the first time that morning, or being forced to examine him through a new lens when faced with a level of excitement so uncharacteristic of Lurch in the last hour of the show.

“He shaves pretty much every day,” EB indulged.

And then, sensing the potential for these once harmless beard comments to trickle on for another twenty unforgivable seconds, Lurch flips the switch, initiating a violent tone shift, and signaling the end of a shared moment.

“Can we wrap it up?” he says sternly, as the March Madness theme music falls off a cliff, mysteriously mimicking that shift in tone.

“Yea,” JP obliged.

“Cause I need to get on the road,” Lurch said.

“Alright, we’re out of here, Grant and Danny are up next from Public Bar,” JP wrapped it up.

I reached 106.7 The Fan program director Chris Kinard for comment on Lurch’s bizarre, abrupt mood swing.

“I think that’s perfectly reasonable. He put in a very tough 4 hours and 10 minutes of work today,” Kinard told me exclusively, three hours into what figures to be his fourth 14-hour work day this week.

“It’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to get on the road to go watch TV as quickly as possible, and be away from his family all day … today, all day tomorrow, all day Saturday and all day Sunday,” he said. “So I sympathize with him.”

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