by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Matt Valdez tweeted the above picture sometime around noon on Thursday, lending the thought that he’d scored big on his trip to Las Vegas.

It’s true.

He won roughly $7,000 at the blackjack tables on a 15-hour gambling bender, he explained to the Junkies Friday morning.

“I started playing around like 6 o’clock at night, and then I didn’t stop playing until the Maryland game,” Valdez said.

“Hahaha, which was at noon,” the next day, Lurch clarified for Valdez, who still doesn’t seem to grasp the importance of details to a good radio story, six years into his radio career.

What Valdez lacks in common, everyday book smarts, he more than makes up for with his gambling acumen, as you’ll read in the recount of his night below.

“And then, within that period of time, I started betting $15 a hand,” Valdez said. “And then I couldn’t lose. So $15 become $30 — and I wouldn’t double up, I’d just put $20 up — $20 would become $40. I put $30 up. $30 became $60. Then I’d play $50. $50 would hit, and then I’d have $100 up. I’d hit blackjack until the point where I’d have a thousand dollars. And then I just put the thousand dollars aside. And then I started it again.”

“You kept doing it?!” EB asked.

“So you had hot shoe after hot shoe after hot shoe,” Lurch asked.

“Hot shoe after hot shoe after hot shoe,” Valdez said.

Essentially what happened here is, Valdez had one of those legendary nights at the table — the end result being him walking out of the casino with an increased net worth of, I’d imagine, something around 700 percent.

The dude just kept grinding away, setting aside thousand-dollar stacks until he had enough — $7,000 — to call his entire Vegas trip a personal financial boon.

“Everyone was just winning,” he said.

Best Line:

“Diane, who was the pit boss; she was watching me like a hawk,” Valdez said. “And she was very nice, but at one point I looked at her and I told her to her face, I told her, ‘I’m pummeling your table right now!'”

Considering I don’t even know what a ‘hot shoe’ is — and probably couldn’t tell you the difference between a ‘bluff’ and a ‘call’ if you put a gun to my father’s head and said, “explain it or I’m pulling the trigger” — you should probably just listen to the segment above, for the full, unadulterated recap of Valdez’s big night.

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Ah, memories.

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More Junkies Blog Stuff:

Matt Valdez Gets RICK at EB During Entertainment Page

The Junkies Make A Hundred Plugs in One Segment

This Bickel Pic is The Duality of Jayson Werth


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