The Junkies Have a New Jay Gruden-Themed T-Shirt Idea

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - The Junkies have a long history of profiting off the excitement of new players and coaches in Washington, D.C., by selling t-shirts with cleverly worded catchphrases.

Who could forget “Horny for Zorny”?

Those burgundy and gold shirts were all over FedExField in Zorn’s first year, proving the t-shirt game a successful venture for the Junks, in that instance.

Strangely, the shirts began disappearing during year two of Zorn.

Then there was “Cised for Bryce” — which, although obvious, to this day I’ll never get credit for coining the day after Bryce Harper was drafted (whatever. nothing matters. none of this is real.) — a shirt idea which caught fire with Junkies fans eager to merge their passion for the show with their love for the Nats — a fire swiftly trampled by the Nationals in one fell cease and desist order.

(Credit: @Reener12)

(Credit: @Reener12)

(Credit: @ShakyKnee)

(Credit: @ShakyKnee)

This brings us to new Redskins head coach Jay Gruden. Hmmmmm.

What’s a clever way of stringing words together, which emphasizes the Gruden hype which will most assuredly reach a fever pitch following him into Training Camp, while still keeping a nice ring to it?

“I have rethought this idea. I think we should be printing up ‘Gay for Jay’ t-shirts,” EB of the Junkies said on Tuesday.

“I don’t know why we aren’t. Are we all on board on that? Cause I’m gonna get that going.”

“I’m kind of over the t-shirt sales business,” JP said.

“You want out?” EB said.

Lurch: Gay for Jay?

EB: Gay for Jay. Burgundy and Gold. Redskin letters.

Lurch: No, I’m all for the t-shirt stuff — it’s free money — I’m just wondering if that’s gonna offend too many people.

EB: How is that offensive? It’s good.

Lurch: Gay for Jay?

EB: It’s good. It’s a positive. I’m gay for Jay. I don’t think it’s any more offensive than Horny for Zorny.

As EB would go on to point out, his interpretation of the word ‘gay’ as defined by Merriam-Webster dictionary is “happily excited.”

From Webster-Dictionary, “a pretty famous dictionary”:

  1. a :  happily excited :  merry <in a gay mood>b :  keenly alive and exuberant :  having or inducing high spirits <a bird’s gay spring song>
  2. a :  bright, lively <gay sunny meadows>b :  brilliant in color
  3. :  given to social pleasures; also :  licentious
  4. By that definition, the Junkies are indeed Gay for Jay.

    I guess the only question is, are you?

    Line of the segment:

    EB: “Will you just follow in my footsteps?! I’ll lead you to greatness!”

    [Updated] Thurs., Feb. 25 at 3:21 PM:

    I reached a few of the Junkies’ co-workers for comment on the latest shirt idea.

    “I can’t believe what’s going on around here,” said Chad Dukes. “All I know is, I wish Eric Bickel would stop harassing Drab T-Shirt about his giant man-boobs.”

    “I wish Eric Bickel would stop harassing me,” Ewadd said.

    And here’s an artist’s rendering, sent in by a listener, of a possible shirt design [via @Gordon_McCormik]:

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