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Lurch Casually Drops Biggest ‘Big Time!’ Statement Ever

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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(Credit: Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images)

(Credit: Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images)

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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - Lurch dropped perhaps the biggest ‘Big Time’ in history Friday morning, from which the ripples are still being felt.

He’s been on a complete tear this week — whether it’s dropping bombshells about his wife’s name-calling, or simply taking a phone call on the air from a piece of Junkies legend —  producing gold for the radio waves.

As a longtime student of the Big Time, it’s the most casual usage which requires the most skill to deliver, and yields the most devastating results.

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For instance, Kevin McCarthy, Fox 5’s resident BT expert, literally can’t carry on a conversation without mentioning a recent television appearance. The key is to make something you’ve become so accustomed to experiencing — something which would be a crowning achievement for your average Joe — sound as though it has little to no effect on you, when referencing it in casual conversation.

Lurch’s moment of vast superiority came when the Junks were discussing why Ed Reed would have possibly had $50,000 lying around, which he reportedly had stolen from him when his car was broken into.

From the Junkies:

“If [Reed] wanted to bring $100 or $150K, he couldn’t get that from one bank; he probably has to get it from two or three branches,” Lurch said.

“Yea, he has to hit multiple stops,” Cakes agreed.

“When I go to Vegas or AC, I actually have to call the bank a couple days ahead of time,” Lurch said, stopping the room.

“BIG TIME!” Cakes said, stunned.

“BIG TIME!” EB said. “Biggest statement ever.”

“Can you guys give me, whatever my knot was gonna be — $15K or whatever — can you give that to me on Friday?” Lurch explained his Big Time procedure of reserving large sums of money with banks days in advance, because it’s just so much money that A BANK, which stores others’ money as a service, cannot possibly accommodate without prior warning.

“So they have to prepare in advance for the Lurch knot?” EB asked.

“But it’s not just me,” Lurch reasoned. “It’s just because I don’t think they …”

“They don’t have that much cash, right,” EB said. “To accommodate big whales like you.”

A tip of the cap to you, Lurch. From one BT admirer to another.

I’m just a peon — just a flea — in the shadow of your greatness.

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