by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
Robert Griffin III #10 of the Washington Redskins is injured as he fumbles a low snap in the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks during the NFC Wild Card Playoff Game at FedExField on January 6, 2013 in Landover, Maryland. (Credit: Al Bello/Getty Images)

Robert Griffin III #10 of the Washington Redskins is injured as he fumbles a low snap in the fourth quarter against the Seattle Seahawks during the NFC Wild Card Playoff Game at FedExField on January 6, 2013 in Landover, Maryland. (Credit: Al Bello/Getty Images)

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Nearly four years ago, a series of flights inbound for Washington, D.C. helped close the book on Jim Zorn as the head coach of the Redskins, and usher in the Mike Shanahan era, promising a football renaissance in the nation’s capital.

Looking back, Shanahan’s downward sloping career shouldn’t have been the cause for fanfare that it was, but coming off Zorn’s 12-20 record in Washington, only two seasons removed from watching the larger-than-life figure of Joe Gibbs come crashing to the gridiron, Shanny’s 24-24, three-season Denver finale sure seemed uplifting.

So what was the pulse of the city when it learned Shanahan was bringing his two-Super Bowl legacy to the District?

Matt Valdez dug deep into the vault and uncovered this found-footage from the Junkies.

“It’s certainly an upgrade over Zorn,” Cakes said on Day 1 of the new regime. “But when a guy limps out like he did in Denver – and he had some horrendous defenses that he presided over his last three years, and he is not a personnel guy, so if you’re looking to Shanahan to help with Bruce Allen as far as picking the personnel, I don’t know if that’s the best move for the organization.”

“But that’s why you have Bruce Allen,” Lurch said.

“No, Bruce Allen’s not a personnel guy either, though,” EB said

“He’s a personnel guy,” Lurch insisted.

“No, no, you ask people what he does is contracts,” EB said.

“He’s a cap-cruncher type, administrative guy,” Cakes said.

“Yea, but he was part of putting together the Tampa Bay Buccaneers,” Jason said.

It appears there was some misinformation circulating Jason’s head.

So what about early playoff appearance predictions?

“Let’s say he’s here four years, and that’s probably a stretch,” EB said. “Let’s say he’s here four years. How many years does he get to the playoffs?”

“He’s gotta get to two playoffs in four years, has to,” Cakes said.

“Okay, how many do you think he’ll get to,” EB asked.

“I think he’ll get to two,” Cakes said. “He won’t next year.”

“I’ll take the under on it, by the way,” EB said.

“I would say two,” JP said.

“You think he’s only gonna be here four years,” Jason asked.

“Oh yea,” EB said. “He’s just gonna retire and go live in Hawaii or something.”

“Ummm, he’ll have a better overall record than Gibbs in four years.

“I agree,” JP said.

“How many playoffs,” EB asked Jason.

“I say at least two,” Jason said.

Cakes: Wrong. EB: Correct. JP: Wrong. Jason: Wrong.

And Joe Gibbs 2.0’s 30-34 record trounces Shanahan’s current 24-37 record. Gibbs also had the edge in playoff appearances by one.

Prior to Shanahan being brought in, Snyder was believed to also be interested in another Super Bowl winning head coach.

“Who would you rather have,” EB asked.

“[Bill] Cowher,” Cakes said.

“Shanny’s got two Super Bowls,” JP analyzed.

Cowherrrrr, I’d rather have Cowherrrr, sorryyy,” Cakes said.

“I think I’d rather have Cowher too,” EB said.

“Who’s had more success,” JP asked.

“I’d rather have Shanahan,” Jason said.

“I think year in and year out, Bill Cowher’s more successful,” EB said.

“So, Cowher had Ben Roethlisberger,” Jason said.

“You had fourteen seasons of Shanahan in Denver; two losing seasons, that’s it,” JP said.

“I don’t think you can go wrong with either guy,” Jason said.

Mike Shanahan would beg to differ, Jason. And let’s just crunch those career numbers, just for gigs.

In his twenty seasons prior to arriving in Washington [Broncos (18), Raiders (2)], Shanahan went 146-98 (.508), and 8-5 in the playoffs, leading to two Super Bowls.

In fifteen seasons with the Steelers, Cowher was 149-90 (.623), making 10 playoff appearances (12-9), resulting in one championship.

Oh yea.

Cakes: Correct. EB: Correct. JP: Wrong. Jason: Wrong.

So at this point in the hiring process, there was still that matter of the defensive coordinator.

“Mike Zimmer is a name that’s come out there, and we all know him from Hard Knocks, with Dallas an Cincinnati,” EB said. “I like him. I like that choice. And the other name that Casserly and La Canfora are reporting that he will consider if he can’t get Zimmer is Jim Haslett.”

“Haslett. Haslett,” Cakes imitated Steve Spurrier. “I’m not gonna sleep in the officer like Jim Haslett.”

“Those would be two good choices,” EB said with inaccuracy.

“Oh, those would be great choices,” Cakes said, also wrong. “Haslett’s a former head coach. We’d love to have him on this staff. Why not?”

Let’s go ahead and call that one a push.

Mike Zimmer: Correct.

“I will say they’ll be lucky to get to one playoff in the next four years,” EB said. “Dallas isn’t getting any worse. Philly’s only getting better.”

“The Giants are gonna rebound, they wacked their defensive coordinator,” Cakes said.

“Shanahan had a three-year run where he won 39 games,” EB said. “Outside of that, the other 14 seasons, he won one playoff game, so I don’t think he’s a boy genius at all.”

“Yea but he won 10 games like a hundred times,” Jason said.

“He also went .500 or less seven times, so he is, he’s got a lot of flaws,” EB said with a surprising degree of accuracy.

“He’s not a cure-all,” Cakes said.”

He’s not a cure-all,” EB parroted.

“He didn’t start losing until Jake Plummer was his quarterback,” Jason said.

“Well he started losing in Oakland,” EB said. “He, I’m telling you, his hands are tied. Bruce Allen’s not the answer at GM, he is just a frontman for Dan Snyder. Nothing’s changed here structurally, organizationally, and I think this is gonna blow up in everybody’s face.”

That’s probably a good place to leave off.

Bill Cowher, anyone?




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