WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Chad Dukes delivered another instant-classic in a segment chock-full of advice for embattled Redskins’ head coach Mike Shanahan, in the wake of Washington losing its eighth of eleven games through 2013.
This wasn’t the type of rant that focused on everything that’s gone wrong through the years, in which Dukes deconstructs the organization’s institutional failure, piece-by-piece, as was the case with his iconic Eagles rant rant in 2010.
No, no. This was more an attack on the rest of the world outside of the Redskins Park bubble, for not being as intelligent as Mike Shanahan, in bilking the Redskins out of $28 million over four years for doing absolutely nothing.
“I love Mike Shanahan,” Dukes said, three minutes into the tirade. “He’s the best. He is the smartest man. I have never been able to fail at a job and then be handed a check like that.”
“Every time I fail at a job they come up and say ‘Dukes, we’ve had enough of you,’” he rolled on. “’Here’s your package and no we’re not paying you the rest of your contract. Goodbye, your services are no longer rendered.’ Mike Shanahan’s still getting a check for failure! God bless him. I love this country that you can do that. It is a great country, and God bless the NFL and the Washington Redskins. We hand out checks to people. What a pile of S situation this is.
“Mike, please, do me a favor. I’ll book the yacht. Give me the number for wherever your yacht is, I’ll have ‘em bring it around to Annapolis, get on the thing, and just go someplace where you can be happy with yourself for God’s sake. I know you head coaches are psychopaths. I know you don’t have any family or loved ones. You sleep in your offices. Yea, you sleep in your offices. A bunch of nut jobs these guys are. They’re collapsing on the sidelines, these boobs. They can’t get away from their jobs. They’re obsessed! They’re dropping dead on the sidelines! What is wrong with these people?! Why would Mike Shanahan ever coach a game ever again?!
“Just set fire to the locker room! If I’m Mike Shanahan, I’d drive to Ashburn and I’d set it on fire, because ‘F you! I’ll hire the best lawyer ever and he’ll get me off.’ What a dummy! Just leave!”
“Money Mayweather, everybody hates him,” Dukes would say. “At least he’s going out there and getting punched in the face, and he’s winning. Mike Shanahan is just showing up.”
The Redskins are 24-35 in 59 games under Mike Shanahan’s control.
Listen to the full rant below. Download the segment here.