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Lurch on the Verge of Nervous Breakdown: ‘She’s Not My Little Girl Anymore!’

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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NUBBSVILLE, Md. (CBSDC) - Tuesday’s show brought a startling development on the ‘Jason being depressed about everything’ front.

It’s been well-documented Lurch has reached the point in a man’s life in which he’s able to find sorrow in the little things.

Little things like his daughters getting older, his wife getting braces. He once even inexplicably grew out his hair.

A few months back, he asked on the show, “What will make my life happy?” before deciding that buying a dog would fill the bottomless void in his soul.

One of the aforementioned problems has brought him so much stress, it’s tipped the scales, and is now a serious, growing problem, about growth.

“I’m having a hard time with just noticing the development,” Jason said of his eldest daughter. “I’m having a hard time with it. And not that she is beyond her years.”

“What do you mean you’re having a hard time? You don’t like it?” EB said.

“I’m having a hard time coping with it,” Lurch said.

“Are we gonna do a therapy session right now?” EB said.

“He doesn’t like puberty,” Cakes said. “He’s not a fan.”

“So what are you suggesting?” EB said before JP began to sympathize with Jason, noting his own daughter’s “development.”

Lurch: Growing BREASTS is what I’m talking about!

LOL.

EB: Right, but why does it affect you really?

Lurch: I’m her dad! I’m noticing she’s not my little girl anymore. That’s my point. And I’m having a hard time coping with it.

EB: It doesn’t take them growing breasts to realize they’re getting older though. I mean I think about that every day.

Cakes: You won’t play Daughter by Pearl Jam (Cakes was desperately trying to divert the topic).

Lurch: That’s when it starts. When you notice their body developing, that’s when it really hits you. I’m just telling you, I’m having a hard time with it.

No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

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