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Time for a Junks Rebranding: ‘You’re on with ‘The Zombies’

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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EB, Lurch, JP and Cakes, just looking like they normally do. (Credit: @TweetMaravich)

EB, Lurch, JP and Cakes, just looking like they normally do. (Credit: @TweetMaravich)

TRIFLING LANHAM, Md. (CBSDC) - Over its three seasons in existence, The Walking Dead, AMC’s zombie-apocalyptic TV drama, has transformed into a ratings juggernaut, continually picking up new viewers and steam with every season.

Sunday night’s season four premiere proved no different, earning the show an average of 16.1 million viewers throughout the 9 p.m. broadcast, according to The Hollywood Reporter, up more than 5 million viewers from its season-opener a year ago.

Zombies are all the rage, and have even caught the attention of a select group of 40-somethings.

From the Sports Junkies on 106.7 The Fan on Tuesday:

JP: Did you see how many people watched the zombie show? It’s like 14 million.

Lurch: I thought about DVRing it, but I didn’t.

Cakes: Was it the most watched TV show of the season?

Drab: 16.1

JP: Oh, it’s 16.1? Like they just saw what Duck Dynasty said, and said ‘We’ll see you, and we’ll just raise you 4 million.’

EB: I officially, and I know you don’t care, I officially watch no shows. There’s no show that I watch.

Valdez: Pretty good entertainment guru.

Cakes: We should re-brand ourselves as ‘The Zombies.’ We look like zombies already.

EB: Yes. ‘The Sports Zombies’

Cakes: We keep zombie hours, okay? Zombies are hugely popular. I’m serious! We should re-brand ourselves as ‘The Zombies!’

JP: I like it.

EB: You know, Diddy would do that. He would change his name, reinvent himself and keep him relevant.”

JP: Snoop Dogg did. He’s Snoop Lion.

Lurch: The Sports Zombies?

EB: Yea, Zombies. Watzup? You’re on with the Zombies.

Cakes: I’m telling you,  I’m not even doing a bit.

Once the commonality was recognized between The Junkies The Zombies and this pop-culture sensation, it couldn’t be unnoticed, sparking a string of comparisons to be made.

They keep odd hours. They look like zombies. Their bodies are rapidly deteriorating. They have flesh-eating things on their faces.  They’d rather be dead (what?).

So, is it time for a re-branding?

In keeping with the theme of learning about things like three years too late, I decided to have some fun and ‘Zombify‘ each of the guys. In keeping with the other theme of piling on, EB – whose age has already been assessed as 65 by the PhotoAge app – obviously came out the worst.

Zombie Cakes. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

Zombie Cakes. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

The Flaiming never dies. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

The Flaiming never dies. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

Lurch Papa Zombie. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

Lurch Papa Zombie. (Credit: ZombieMe.com)

E-Zombie. (Credit: Table Manners Premiere)

E-Zombie. (Credit: Table Manners Premiere)

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