by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Some conversations require no explanation.

Lurch: Cakes, when were you adopted?

Cakes: When was I adopted? A few weeks after I was born.

Lurch: Alright so were you named already, or did your adopted parents get to name you?

EB: Of course he was. He was John Doe.

Cakes: That’s a good zing! I was silly John Doe, yea. No, I was told by my parents that what they called me in the orphanage, wherever I was, I don’t know. Social services … “

EB: I’m desperate to hear.

Cakes: Ronald!

Laughter everywhere.

Cakes: That was my temp name, apparently. So I could have been Ronald Martin Auville.

EB: That’s your new name! Ronald ‘Cakes’ Auville!

Cakes: But yea, my parents came up a real original. JAWN.”

Lurch: I was supposed to be Luke. It’s down to Luke and oleeeeeee J-bone. Came out J-bone.

EB would go on to admit he was nearly stuck with … Vaughan Mark?

Almost everyone’s heard a similar story from their parents, about the name that didn’t quite make the cut. Strangely, it’s almost always the more obnoxious of the two, and upon hearing it, almost always elicits a ‘God I would have got my ass kicked every day’ feeling. Hell, I was almost Edwin Shorts.

So tell us: What’ the car crash of a name your parents helped you narrowly escape?

Related: Come Meet ‘Martin Cakes’ at Caps Convention


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