Congratulations to Danny Rouhier on Becoming Funniest Father in D.C.

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – Danny Rouhier and his recently married (to him) wife Megan have a new addition to their blossoming family.

In the early morning hours on Wednesday, Sept. 4, 2013, the happy couple welcomed their first child, unleashing William Drake Rouhier unto this world we call Earth.

Amid allegations that he’d been escorted out of the delivery room during the birth-giving process, a sleepless, serene Danny called into 106.7 The Fan just hours after labor went down, to inform co-host Holden Kushner about the wonderment of child-birth.

“I’ve seen things man,” Rouhier began. “I’ve been places I never thought I would go. The twelve-year-old version of myself that saw that movie in Life Science class, never thought that sort of thing would actually happen to him.”

“What they do basically, for those that haven’t had the pleasure of becoming parents yet, is basically, fathers who don’t know anything, they go ‘Here, you’re untrained and sweaty. Why don’t you hold this?’” he explained. “And all of a sudden, you’re involved in the process whether you want to be or not.”

Because I feel partially responsible for this being the first writings ever published about their child, I should set the record straight that Danny wasn’t really freaking out. In fact, you couldn’t hear his mind racing as he spoke – the first I can remember this ever being the case since his time at the radio station.

No, instead he was perfectly content.

So what does baby Bill Drake look like, Father Daniel?

“Here’s the thing,” Danny said. “Everybody always wants to know that kind of thing with babies, they’re like, ‘Well, what does the baby look like? Who does he look like?’

“They look kind of like alien-y when they first sort of come out, like his head’s misshapen because of the birthing process and all this kind of stuff,” he explained. “Eventually, he’s going to look like me, I think, which is unfortunate for the kid, but right now he looks like sort of a bundle of blankets and like, there’s a little bit of a nose. That’s pretty much what it is.”

In writing this, I can’t imagine a more flustered, panicky person to cast into the bowels of a delivery room than Danny.

Did you keep calm, and (insert meme here)?

“I tried to crack a couple jokes, and she gave me a ‘Why would you do that right now?’ look,” the professional comedian explained. “Yea it was a couple times trying to lighten the mood, and the doctor didn’t really enjoy it, neither did the nurse or the people passing by in the hallway.”

“I basically needed attention at that moment and wasn’t getting any, because it was all about ‘Oh, look at me, I’m the mom and I have to birth the child.’ I didn’t like it,” he continued. “People weren’t paying attention to me for like ten, fifteen minutes at a time.

And you know how I can’t handle that. Yea, I tried a couple bits, and it went over kind of like when Blue Shorts does. Like, you know when Blue Shorts doesn’t have any momentum and tries to throw a line in there when we’re doing a shtick circle, and then just kind of awkwardly wanders away? It was like that except I couldn’t leave the room.”

As the keeper of the internet around these parts, I’m proud to report that both “shtick circle” and “Blue Shorts” made it into the very first published account of William Drake.

Congrats guys.

Danny Calls in after Giving Birth

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