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Cautionary Tale: How To Ruin a Baseball Game for Everyone

by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach
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Denard Span making an amazing catch, which we all missed because we were forcibly enlisted in meaningless conversation with his girlfriend, probably. (Photo: Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Denard Span making an amazing catch, which we all missed because we were forcibly enlisted in meaningless conversation with his girlfriend, probably. (Photo: Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Holden & Danny Holden Kushner and Danny Rouhier
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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - This will be the best story you’ve ever read, and I’ve already lied to you.

It’ll be the worst, but not for my ineptitude in describing real-life events, but for the crimes that were committed against humanity.

On Wednesday, Aug. 28, between the hours of 7:05 p.m. and the moment everyone was sick of being jerked around, Ajay Atayee ruined everyone’s night.

I’d say single-handedly, but it would be another lie, because he brought his girlfriend along for the ride, and therein lies the source of all man’s problems, particularly the men at 106.7 The Fan, who decided to meet up for a Nats game.

Just a couple of fellas taking in some round ball, and Ajay’s girlfriend.

Not a terrible sin really, at least not upon first glance. Some poor sap can’t shake free of the ball and chain, even at the risk of embarrassing himself in front of his boss(es) and co-workers – which he did.

But consider these weren’t nosebleeds, they were suite tickets. Then consider they weren’t administered to every employee working at the radio station, just a select few, as a reward for their diligent service through the long summer months (at least that’s what we’re told so we feel good about ourselves).

Now consider not every employee at the radio station got to go.

That’s right. Through no fault of her own; Ajay’s sweet tender-loving girlfriend was thrust in a position of superiority over the kid who never had the chance to get picked last in gym class.

So in a way, a way that’s painfully obvious to everyone but Ajay, he offended everyone in the room, as well as one outside it – some poor schlep hunched over the board back at the station, sobbing in a lonely heap as he ponders all the merriment he missed out on.

Are you happy, Ajay? You made Vic cry.

I’d be willing to assume he hurt him knowingly, but that would be conceding Ajay thought of somebody other than himself, if only just this once.

I haven’t even gotten to the one-hour rain delay – which for Ajay, consisted of frequent trips to the beer stand to break up the long patches of uncomfortable silence left all around the room by his sweet girlfriend, in the middle of conversations that were never intended for her ears.

Let’s think about the awkwardness of this scenario; the swift kick in the nuts Ajay gave to the intended complexion of the room.

As Danny pointed out on his show Wednesday (which you can hear below – I’ll paraphrase), the intended environment went from ‘Oh, hi, this is Ajay, the executive producer of our show,’ to ‘This is Ajay, our producer, and his girlfriend.’

Introducing one person versus two doesn’t sound like much, until you consider one is a complete stranger to the shared common bond of workplace.

This means people will feel on edge in engaging in typical out-of-office office functions, like my personal favorite, bashing co-workers who aren’t in the room.

Congrats to Holden and Danny’s former executive producer, and I say former because I think everyone agrees he deserves to lose his job over the level of discomfort he forced upon his co-workers.

If nothing else, he should have his job title knocked down, and maybe lose a week’s pay.

And let my tell you where that money should go. It should go to buying everyone’s night back. Unfortunately money can’t turn back time or reverse hours lived, and miserable experiences.

His actions were so reprehensible in fact, he even managed to draw attention from the weird guy who wouldn’t share ONE FRY with the boss.

We should have seen this coming. It’s happened before.

Hey check out my watch. It’s bro time.

Never again.

Follow him on Twitter if you want your day ruined too.

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