by Chris 'Blue Shorts' Lingebach

WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – ‘Funny’ Danny Rouhier is one of the stranger breeds of human walking this earth.

His mania was on full display at Wednesday night’s Nats game, as a handful of 106.7 The Fan employees gathered in the CBS suite to watch the Marlins’ Logan Morrison make of fool of himself, and the home team squeak past Miami 4-3 after an hour-long rain delay.

But as the case with any occasion in which a handful of our animated ‘personalities’ get together, the real entertainment value lies within the show behind the show.

Amid the litany of peculiar turn of events within the confines of that unfortunate suite, was Funny Danny’s denial of our Operations Manager, Steve Davis, and his request to have some of Danny’s fries.

Now, these were no ordinary fries. They were sweet potato fries, but that’s neither here nor there.

The essence of the moment could be captured in Danny’s refusal to share his food upon request, exposing one of his uniquely weird, cardinal self-rules. And thus, allowing himself to become the subject of well-deserved ridicule throughout the evening, and then again the following morning on the Junkies. It’s not enough. It’ll never be enough.

“My meal’s more important to me than it is to him,” Danny told the Junkies Thursday morning. “You see what I’m saying? Why would anyone so selfishly come into my dojo, into my universe, into my happy place? Cause I’m obviously a great big fatty, I’m gross – I love eating more than anyone loves anything. Why would anyone want to selfishly disrupt that?”

It’s not that he has a gripe against sharing food in general, he’s just so weird that nobody can understand him. Poor guy (adult).

He will share food, as he expressed to the guys, when he outlined every unforgivable trespass that’s ever been committed against he and said food, in a sort of informal unveiling of his code of canons.

Davis sauntered into the studio as well, to provide his own perspective and combat the rhetoric of his insubordinate employee.

“So I turned to him. I got my hot dog. CK and I are sitting there. I see Danny with his thing of sweet potato fries,” Davis set the scene, masterfully, before Danny interjected with an inane detail aimed at diminishing the gravity of the moment.

“It looked really good! I almost ordered some,” Davis told the Junks. “So I look over there, and I said to CK ‘You think Danny would mind sharing a couple fries with me? I just want a taste.’”

He just. Wanted. A taste.

“Now I’m not accusing Steve of being selfish,” Danny said. “He just didn’t know.”

Because everyone walks around knowing what’s going on inside the frightening mind of Danny Rouhier, basically, is what he’s insinuating.

Rouhier eventually saved face during the game, getting up to purchase Steve Davis his own delicious sweet potato fries.

For the record, he never once went along with the plan of just sharing “a taste.”

“I said ‘Do whatever you want with the fries. Eat two, do a dance around the rest of them and throw them on the ground. I don’t care what happens, but please don’t mess with my meal,'” Danny said.

The funny man then expounded his rules, which again, are reflective of the opinions of Danny Rouhier, and not that of CBS Radio or its employees.

So what about sharing popcorn?

“If there is planned sharing, we can go into it,” he said. “In other words, if we go to a restaurant and we order an appetizer, I’ve calculated in my mind I’ll get a certain portion of that appetizer. So yes I can share.”

What if you’re at a restaurant and someone orders a better meal? Will you ask to have a bite?

“JP, there’s a lot of things we want to do in society, but we don’t do them because it’s wrong,” he said. “That’s one of those things.”

“It’s a lock if I get something, EB will always reach over ‘Can I have a fry? Can I have this?’ and I don’t mind it,” JP said.

“Which is terrible and selfish,” Danny responded. “My point is, I’m amazing at ordering. I always get what I want, and if I botch it, I have to own it. I have to sleep in that bed.”

There you have it. This is the first of the many-paged manuscript you need to carry with you everywhere, in the off-chance you run into Funny Danny and would rather not cross him, or any of his countless unspoken rules.

Chad Dukes chimed in on the matter later, on Holden and Danny.

“The fact that I sat there, and our boss’s boss asked you for two French fries, and you were so tormented,” Dukes began. “I mean, you’re Heath Ledger Joker level of torment at this point, if you can’t just say ‘here’s a couple of fries.’ Or even ‘I am a freak. I can’t share my food. Take my entire bin of fries. I will go ahead and get some more for myself.’”

So Steve Davis, can you have a taste of Danny’s fries?

Danny Rouhier Nope


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