Ewadd’s Big Date: The Night He Finally Snaps His Dry Spell
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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - With the traditional buildup to the Summer Dress Party, paired with the additional promotion of Ewadd’s big date, the buzz leading up to the Junkies’ annual event was palpable.
Even still, as the masses piled onto Clarendon Ballroom’s rooftop, everyone wanted to know one thing: if Ewadd was able to seal the deal.
Against all probability, Ewadd was actually able to get his chick back to his room at the Westin Hotel – which was conveniently also inhabited by the big, burly Buffalo Bills in town to play the Redskins – before they even made it to the party.
Below is a detailed account of the pre-intercourse exchange with between Ewadd and his chick, as relived on the Junkies Monday morning.
EB: How do make the move?
Ewadd: I don’t know.
JP: Are you sitting on the bed?
Ewadd: Yea, yea. We’re just sitting on the bed, like, we’re just talking like listening, she’s like playing music, and I was cised, and I eventually went in for a move and then …
JP: So it was like riding a bike? Even though it’s been two years, it was like riding a bike.
EB: So you went in and kissed her?
EB: And she kissed you back?
Ewadd: Yea, but she was kind of like, well then when I tried to do more, she gave me the Dikembe Mutombo.
Lurch: Not today!
JP: Did you at least get to like feel her ass?
Ewadd: Yea, I mean, that’s kind of a creepy question to ask.
JP: It is, but I want details!
Ewadd: Yea I tried to do something like that. But she was like ‘I can’t do it, because everyone thought I was a slut on Friday, and then if I actually do this, then everyone would think I’m…’ I was just like ‘That’s a show.’
Lurch: They’ll know she’s a slut.
Ewadd: I swear to God, this is so stupid…
EB: That’s what you said? That’s why I picked you?
Ewadd: I swear to God, I said ‘Well that’s why I picked you.’
EB: He just called her a slut!
You can hear the full account of Ewadd’s night – including details of his uncomfortable ride to The Palm in the back of Blue Shorts’ mom’s car – below.
Related: The Ewadd Dating Game