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Who Wouldn’t Want to Win a Date With This Guy?

by Blue Shorts
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Honestly, who wouldn't want to date this guy?

Honestly, who wouldn’t want to date this guy?

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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - Friday’s show brought the much-anticipated dating game, the moment every down-on-his luck, incapable-of-engaging-women-in-conversation guy around the beltway had been waiting for, to live out his wildest fantasies through Ewadd on the radio, a guy incapable of engaging women in conversation.

The rules were simple: two girls were vying for a night on the town with the ever-debonair Ewadd, by being subjected to a ludicrous line of questioning, and him ultimately deciding the winner blindly (a partition was setup around him ensuring he could only hear their answers).

We need to shine a spotlight on the importance of Ewadd not being able to see them to fully grasp the absurdity of JP describing their physical traits from the moment the game began, even after Cakes explained how bias could taint the results.

“Contestant 1 is wearing a Pink Floyd shirt,” JP said. “She’s a, I don’t know, brunette I guess.”

“Aren’t you not supposed to describe what they look like?” Ewadd asked.

“Yea, JP?” Drab said in a WTF kind of way.

“You can give a little description,” JP contended, still not getting it.

“No you can’t,” EB shot him down.

If someone was trying to guess his weight, JP would start by telling the person he just cut down to 175.

So things got off to a great start.

And yet once the questioning commenced, it was another attempt by JP to reveal their physical attributes that would yield perhaps the segment’s shining moment, and yet another glimpse into why Ewadd is in this situation to begin with.

JP: Alright so Contestant #2, on WatchTheJunkies.com, what do you think our viewers and listeners are most focusing on, when it comes to you in terms of physical attribute?

Contestant: Um, maybe my bright shirt.

Ewadd: That was a terrible answer.

EB: I think you need to reevaluate your approach here.

JP: No wonder he doesn’t get any dates.

EB: Are you trying to attack the girls that may be willing to go on a date with you?

Ewadd: I’m trying to have some fun with them, alright?

Drab: I think he needs to know that we had to beg these girls to come.

Ewadd: They know I’m just joking, don’t they?

EB: They don’t. They don’t know you at all. You’re not funny. You’re not that fun. Be nice.

Contestant: I’m glad I woke up on Friday morning for this. Not funny. Not that fun.

Ewadd eventually ceased verbally assaulting the women and went on to select his winner in the second segment. She rewarded him with a dance move, and although I’m still not quite sure what it was, you can catch it on replay on WatchTheJunkies.com.

Now this lucky lady has a date at The Palm to look forward to, which should be filled with riveting conversation about t.v. shows he watches with his dad, his favorite watering holes to lay down bait, and all the prospects from his flourishing rap career.

Be sure to make the kid look like a superstar when you spot the lovebirds at the Junkies Summer Dress Party next Friday. It may actually get him laid.

Segments are below. Enjoy.

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