Classic Junks: Bret Reads BDK’s Breakup Email On The Air

by Blue Shorts
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Publicity photo of four nerds talking sports. (Credit: WaPo via Google Images)

Publicity photo of four nerds talking sports. (Credit: WaPo via Google Images)

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FAIRFAX, Va. (CBSDC) - No slight to the Junkies’ radio show in its current form intended, but I’ve long held that the funniest segments to listen to are the Classic Junks clips played in the 5 o’clock hour each morning.

While the show is still incredible, and new classic moments are being made daily, it’s just hysterical to reminisce forgotten moments from the last sixteen, memorable years.

The following blog post is an attempt to breathe new life into these golden moments by writing about them as if they just happened, to show how much the show and everyone involved with it has grown.

Here goes nothing …

JP: Alright, BDK is with us. We actually just got an email from Bret. And it’s actually from BDK. I guess he printed it out for Bret to read because when I break up with somebody, I always want everybody to read the exchange from me and the girl that I broke up with. That was my go-to move. You did that, right Cakes?

Cakes: Yea. I would do that, yes.

They’re being facetious, in case that’s not coming through the text.

JP: Whenever you broke up with somebody, you would actually let everybody read the email exchanges?

BDK: This isn’t the breakup email. I broke up with her and then I sent the email.

JP: Let me talk!

EB: This is when you tried to get her back.

BDK: I tried to get her back, right.

Bret’s hilarious giggle.

JP: The point is, you print up emails of like your personal stuff and then let other people read it to everybody.

BDK: I wanted to ask Bret if this was okay, because I didn’t know if it was like a bad thing to send because, I don’t know, I’m just an emotional dude.

Bret: Well with Kevin, it’s like every day is a counseling session when he’s involved with a chick.

THIS. IS. TRUE.

To save time and space, here’s some background, which you can hear more about in the clip below.

Kevin’s been dating this chick, and because he’s a nervous wreck, he decided to preempt her breaking up with him by beating her to the punch.

BDK: Well I knew she was going to felt me. And shocker, the minute I broke up with her she went online and changed her status to single.

Bret: She was SO cised to get rid of this donk.

While this is probably funny to most of you – ‘Oh, there goes Big Dumb Kevin being afraid of women again’ – I’m actually fearful for him, and the bigger picture this speaks to. Kevin is a scary talented movie reviewer who could go on to do big things.

I could honestly see him as a Big Time movie reviewer for Fox Five some day. Hell, even Fox and Friends. Who knows?

But none of that will be possible if he can’t get over his crippling OCD and the paranoia it brings him, and doing that starts with pwning sillies.

And shame on you, Bret, for laughing at your friend. If you didn’t have this job, you’d be working in a restaurant somewhere.

Listen to this awesome classic below. Keep an ear out for the LOL ending.

And here’s a(n?) hilarious tweet for no reason.

And this random pic from Google Images.

Ew. (Credit: Google Images)

Ew. (Credit: Google Images)

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