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‘You Guys Know Instagram Has Video?’ -Guy in Desperate Need of Attention

by Blue Shorts
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"Hey does anyone know Instagram has video now?" - Ajay Atayee reminding everyone he exists. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

“Hey does anyone know Instagram has video now?” – Ajay Atayee reminding everyone he exists. (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

Holden & Danny Holden Kushner and Danny Rouhier
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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - Has anyone noticed how much better the Holden and Danny Show has been this week?

Surely it’s coincidence, but their executive producer Ajay Atayee has been on vacation, sprawling in the sand with his girlfriend all week (who’s sweet, but he spends every waking moment talking about/tweeting about/Instagramming about her).

Unfortunately for everyone, we weren’t allowed to just forget about him in his absence.

No, because Instagram debuted a new video feature on Wednesday, and Mr. Hard-to-spell-first-name had to be the one to let everyone know about it.

But, not in one of those ways you can just ignore, pick up the pieces of what’s left of your day and move on, but like, in a way in which you immediately realize it’s become your civic duty to inform the world what a monster this guy is; what evil lays ahead.

Creepy isn’t the word for this video (and it’s certainly not funny, because funny’s never a word you could associate with anything he does), although it does have a touch of ‘he just discovered both video and the beach for the first time’ (notice I specified beach, not sand).

The word is annoying. The word is regrettable, as in regrettably unforgettable, kind of like the first time you discovered you had back hair.

Let’s dissect these three, regrettably unforgettable words that make up the complex monologue of this video.

“Beeeeeaaaaach. Girlfriennnnnnd. Bro time.”

First off, I think we can establish you’re at the beach because hey, it’s video! We can see the ocean behind you!

Secondly, the girlfriend. Hey buddy, we know you have a girlfriend. You know how? As mentioned above, we have eyes (see “Twitter/Instagram” above).

As a favor to your beloved girlfriend, if you don’t want us to hate her, just stop. Let me speak in a prolonged way you can better comprehend: Pleeeeeeeeeaaaassseeee. Stoppppppppp…bro time.

It’s human nature to hate things that are shoved down your throat. Your personal life is none of our business. Let’s keep it that way.

Lastly, bro time.

Hey bro, this isn’t 2010. Even bros have updated their vernacular. And is she your girlfriend, or your bro, bro?

“Can you just never come back?” Holden asked seriously (meaning, not in a joking manner).

“I think it’s creepy,” Haley, the female call-screener said.

Chad Dukes was also available for comment (due to its graphic nature, here’s a link).

Here’s the video, which Adjey Ajay AJ has desperately made available for public consumption.

I have to go back to work, but I hope and pray this isn’t the first thing I think about when I wake up tomorrow, although I’m sure no one’s that lucky.

Listen to the segment that led the revolution below. Amen to Holden and Danny for going Edward Snowden and blowing the whistle on this muck.

Follow Ajay on Twitter if you enjoy the feeling of putting your face through a mirror.

Below is a letter sent in by an anonymous listener:

Hey AJ!

Please stop it. Nobody cares!

Signed,

Just about everyone.

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