by Blue Shorts

LANHAM, Md. (CBSDC) – As EB was nearing the end of telling a horror story about a prolonged stay in a waiting room Wednesday, Lurch dropped a showstopper that stunned the room, then sparked a beautiful jone session.

Jason Bishop, a 43-year-old man in the year 2013, does not know how to type.

Not even a little bit.

Before we get to the audio, consider that he’s in a studio with these guys every day, that’s filled with laptop computers. Then imagine the lengths to which he’d have to go to conceal such a Neanderthalic flaw … such a Neanderflaw … for so long.

Here’s how the moment unraveled:

EB: She hunt and pecks on the keyboard with her index fingers.

Lurch: I do that.

Hold on. You’ll hear it below, but pay attention to how proudly he says “I do that,” then how embarrassed he sounds when he realizes he’s the ONLY one in the room who can’t type.

EB: We were at the minute-clinic yesterday for an hour and twenty minutes.

Cakes: Hold on, you’re a hunter and pecker?

Lurch: When I type?

Cakes/EB Simultaneously: Do you know how to type at all? Do you type only with your index fingers?

Lurch: No, I don’t know how to type.

Listen to how ashamed he sounds when he says “No, I don’t know how to type.”

This is so funny, because you can just imagine him ‘lurching’ over a normal sized computer, dwarfing it, and searching for Jimmy Key after Jimmy Key with his big sausage fingers.

“You’re telling me that everyone who takes typing class, they remember how to do it from then on?” he asked, as if they’d all dramatically admit they were lying and equally have no idea how to live in the 21st century.

Yes Jason, that’s what everyone is telling you.

Here’s the full seggy (SacTown calls in at the end)…

Related: Junks Don’t Know Neo, Morpheus, Agent Smith


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