by Blue Shorts

LANHAM, Md. (CBSDC) – When Mrs. B phones into the Junkies (as she did on Tuesday), her tiny voice could easily be drowned out by the loud, crude pipes of her son, Eric Bickel, but it’s not.

Instead she takes over the show, and each word she so quaintly utters commands must-hear attention, and carries with it potential to go down in show history.

But it’s that juxtaposition – the thought of a 43-year-old man shouting over his feeble mother on the radio – that makes these calls such a necessary look into the lifeblood of the show.

Never, ever, EVER has a Mrs. B phone call not been gold.

Here are the basic ingredients to this radio fail-safe:

  • Eric incessantly pesters his mother with topics that will make her uncomfortable.
  • The rest of the Junks surgically needle-in awkward zingers.
  • She inevitably shares a piece of info EB is uncomfortable to know about his own mother.
  • They all make fun of the food she eats and how she pronounces words like “burrito.”

The end result is an inexorable laugh track circling the beltway, all of which is predicated on Mrs. B’s overpowering politeness through it all (she’s the sweetest lady on the planet).

And now she wants her little voice to be heard, at least, as often as Dina Bickel’s currently is, because radio is one big family affair (*slams hands together, furiously rubs them back-and-forth*).

“So far my mom has talked about Botox and not wearing a bra,” EB succinctly recapped his mother’s call-in Tuesday.

Here’s a couple snippets from the conversation below (hear the full segment at the bottom):

“I am getting older, but I did decide this morning as I was thinking about it,” Mrs. B said. “You know, there’s one thing older people do that sometimes I will not do. They go without a bra.”

“Oh my God, I think I’m gonna puke,” EB groaned.

“So are you contemplating that?!” he shrilled.

“No!” she exclaimed. “I said that was one thing I wouldn’t do.”

But the conversation eventually strayed down a path mired in jealousy, as EB and the Junks tried to discern why Mrs. B wants an endorsement deal.

EB: You know what it is? She hears D on the commercials and then you’re jealous of my WIFE, of your daughter-in-law!

Mrs. B: No, because I love her very much. I’m not jealous of her.

Cakes: Your mom wants some shine.

EB: She wants some SHINE.

It seems Mrs. B has been hearing all the Thompson Creek Windows spots Dina’s been doing (oh yea! give me the website), and finds herself to be a little bit jealous.

Well, guess what? She had to raise a child who grew up to share how many times he ‘hooked it yesterday’ on the radio. The least Mrs. B deserves is a few free windows. The most is our everlasting respect, and we should be thankful she chose to become the highlight of the show Tuesday, as she does each time she graces the airwaves.

Step up, sales staff.

Maybe readers can solicit Thompson Creek on Twitter to hook Mrs. B up!


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