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Cakes Gets Disgusting Face Disease Diagnosed

by Blue Shorts
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Scott Stapp of Creed. (Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Scott Stapp of Creed. (Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

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LANHAM, Md. (CBSDC) - John “Cakes” Auville has a problem that’s been growing on him. And after weeks of laughing it off, tensions among his coworkers began to boil over, and the time finally came for him to face the music.

Basically, he’s had disgusting sores on his face for weeks and he finally sought professional help to determine the cause.

“They came up with the diagnosis,” Cakes told the Junkies on 106.7 The Fan. “What did you guys bet? Any bets?”

“I thought it was what you had in the past,” JP said. “I can never remember the name of it. What was it?”

“Perioral Dermatitis?” Cakes answered. “Not what I’m afflicted with.”

Wait for it.

“Staph Infection. Staph Infection on the face.”

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Cakes was just as befuddled by the diagnosis as everyone around him, and anyone who happened to hear the big reveal on the air Tuesday morning.

Cakes: Apparently I have very sensitive skin and I have the immunity system of a mosquito. I didn’t know this: staph lives in your nose.

JP: Jason right now has staph infection? I right now have staph infection?

Cakes: All of you are walking around with it. It’s just a matter of whether it manifests itself on your face.

Valdez: Twenty-five percent of people carry Staph in their nose and mouth.

So one out of the four Junks, as Cakes processed the information. Actually, to expand on the Web MD fear-mongering Valdez regurgitated: “about 25% of people normally carry staph in the nose, mouth, genitals or anal area.”

Sleep on that one.

But Larry Bishop, disgusted by the leper he was perched across from in the studio, came through with a decisive look into the future.

Larry: Obviously you’ve got the medicine inside of you and its working, but it looks like the sores are so pronounced that it may take a good couple weeks for it to all clear up.

Cakes: I mean I have a follow-up in ten days.

Larry: So I don’t think you can shave for a couple of weeks.

Cakes: Beard-A-Thon 2013, it’s on baby! Because by the time this whole nonsense is over, hopefully – knock on wood – the Capitals will be in the playoffs.

Monster playoff beard. Epic.

Let’s hope between now and then, Cakes gets this infection taken care of, so it doesn’t become the WJFK Staff infection.

Follow Cakes on Twitter.

John "Cakes" Auville keeping his co-workers quarantined from his disgusting face disease. (Credit: Eric Waddon)

John “Cakes” Auville doing his best Sub-Zero. (Credit: Eric Waddon)

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