Man Beats Up Roommate for Drawing Penis on His Face
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LANHAM, Md. (CBSDC) – A 31-year-old Arlington resident was booked for beating the senses out of his roommate over the weekend after waking up to find a drawing on his face that was phallic in nature.
Bro dogs everywhere high-five reading stories like this because who hasn’t given one of their boys the bro makeover?
You’re out for a Thursday night happy-hour-turned ‘Let’s just call in sick tomorrow’ when you remember Tommy has to wake up early for that board meeting.
A simple ‘Let’s draw a giant [redacted] on his face’ gets thrown into the ether, the thought grows on the group like a cancer, before the sensible one finally kills the party with a ‘C’mon guys, he’s got that big meeting tomorrow.’
Then cooler heads prevail over the all-too-familiar ‘Bro, you know he’s only refilling their waters.’
Well in this particular instance, Tommy responded in the worst way ever … allegedly.
And his name isn’t Tommy, its James Denham Watson.
Police say Watson awoke around 5:30 a.m. on Saturday to find the graphic drawing on his left cheek, then allegedly attacked his roommate who sustained extensive injuries to his face.
A third roommate drove the wounded victim to a nearby hospital where he pressed charges a short time later.
Of course he did. You can’t break bro code. After all, it was just a practical Broke.
Watson is now ‘facing’ charges of malicious wounding.
Let’s hear from the Junkies on 106.7 The Fan:
“Was anything done to you in your many passouts?” JP asked.
“Many is a stretch,” Cakes fired back. “Let’s go with ‘a few.’ I passed out during a party … this was in Annapolis during the summer and people had written all over my back with nail polish. You know how fun that is to try to get off?”
“This guy by the way in his mug shot, you can still see the outline,” JP added.
“I can’t blame him,” EB jumped in. “I don’t think there’s gonna be a jury that’s gonna convict him. No chance.”
“That’s a solid bit,” Cakes laughed.
“You should be able to attack somebody if they do that,” EB defended. “What’d they do? Just beat the guy to a pulp?”
“So if somebody passes out…?” JP began.
“You draw something on his face, like a [redacted] on his face…” EB shouted.
“And you believe that you deserve to be getting the beat down?” JP asked.
“We had a rule, if you passed out with your shoes on then you were fair game,” Valdez contributed.
Let’s stop there.
One thing to consider before moving forward is if there was any prior bad blood.
These could be two roommates who have had a falling out, or possibly even two perfect strangers who found a house on Craig’s List. One guy moves in, rubs the other guy the wrong way. Next thing you know, a line is drawn in the sand (or face) and then crossed.
Anyone who has gone to college in the last decade, at least for a year, knows of the Shoe Rule.
For you old birds out there, being conscious enough to take your shoes off before that final flying headbutt into the couch renders you off-limits to any and all late night shenanigans.
That said, it would be a lot easier to judge if James Watson was in the right or wrong here, if the police report mentioned if the ‘Shoe Rule’ was observed.
Maybe that’s an added detail the fine men in blue could include in future reports.
Just call it a footnote.
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