WASHINGTON (CBSDC) – March Madness is one of the most exciting times of the year. It unites coworkers around the common bond of the NCAA Tournament while simultaneously bringing out the worst in them.
We’ve all been guilty of being one of the ‘worst’ people at some point, but have hopefully since outgrown that fraudulent behavior after being painfully exposed in embarrassing fashion.
We all know who they are and we all HATE them. We spend the duration of the tournament trying to avoid them more than usual, but they’re somehow always inconveniently around during the biggest games we care most about.
To help you combat all these goons who will undoubtedly be marauding through the halls of your office pretending to be something they’re not over the next two weeks, we’ve compiled this handy list for you. Resort back to it so you can at least call them out or, if nothing else, know what to call them when you talk about them behind their backs.
Related: Fill Out Your Bracket Here
106.7 The Fan’s Holden and Danny, with the help of a few caller submissions, identified the absolute worst offenders. Excerpts of their conclusions follow.
And if you catch yourself exhibiting any of these behaviors … STOP IT.
1. The Guy That Doesn’t Pay
“Number one: the guy that doesn’t pay and is always the one who’s talking about ‘I’ll pay you later.’ Basically he sees if he wins or not, and then he’s the guy that’s going to demand the money the most. That guy sucks.”
2. The Overnight Expert
“The guy that doesn’t follow college hoops, that doesn’t really know anything about college basketball but decides because he watched 30 minutes of television, or read one article, or somebody’s blog post, that all of a sudden he’s the expert. He comes in with a nugget about ‘Did you know the St. Louis Billikens actually don’t play in St. Louis? The arena’s just outside.’
He’s the guy that reads one thing and overstates that fact. So, he all of a sudden goes from idiot to expert and wants you all to know that he knows facts.”
3. ‘My Dad’s Brother Went There’ Guy
“Guys that invent associations with schools.” … enough said.
4. The Girl That Always Wins
“It’s always that chick who knows nothing about NCAA basketball, only enters because it’s March Madness and she always ends up winning,” Mike in Largo suggested.
“Drives me crazy,” Danny agreed. “Where it’s like ‘I had a friend who went to North Carolina and I like them.’ ”
“Colette, our secretary, is going to win again,” Holden said.
“If we had Vegas odds on who’s going to win, you, who watches an inordinate amount of college hoops, Lurch nothing, Drab, nothing. You guys are 100:1. Colette is 5:4.”
5. The Girl With Overnight Passion
“The worst in my mind, the WORST happens to be a woman,” Danny offered. “And I know we get bashed here for being the he-man women haters club, but it happens to be a lady.
“It’s the lady who doesn’t know anything and that’s okay to not know anything, but decides that she’s going to become the loudest. So she’s the overnight passion. So because her bracket is so important to her because she bet five bucks in whatever office pool, but if you’re watching the game where she is, she’s like ‘GO LOUISVILLE!’ Like she’s screaming at the top of her lungs, and the most important thing in the world is Louisville winning. She can’t name a single player. She doesn’t know who Rick Pitino is.”
6. The Guy That’s Just Too Cool
This is the guy who won’t participate because he’s above it all. It’s not that he doesn’t know enough, or doesn’t think he could win, he’s just better than the tournament.
7. ‘I Had Them In My Other Pool’ Guy
“The guy who’s got everyone right in his other pool,” Jason called in.
“Ohhhhhh! What a great pull,” Danny reacted. “That’s perfect because that guy is like ‘Oh, this is the one that we’re in together, like I just picked a bunch of upsets, that’s why it didn’t work. But my other pool that you guys don’t know about, I’m like 32 for 32.’”
This is also the grownup version of the guy from high school whose girlfriend was always someone you didn’t know. ‘Oh you wouldn’t know her. She goes to a different school.’
Again, if you’re any of these, don’t giggle and point ‘Oh, that’s me!’ and carry on about your day. STOP IT. Everyone does laugh at you when you leave the room.
And please let us know if we forgot anybody. If it’s legitimate, we’ll add it to the list.