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Lindsay Lohan Brings Acting Talents To Courtroom, Fools Dummies

by Blue Shorts
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Lindsey Lohan attends a pre-trial hearing. (Credit: Photo credit should read DAVID MCNEW/AFP/Getty Images)

Lindsey Lohan attends a pre-trial hearing. (Credit: Photo credit should read DAVID MCNEW/AFP/Getty Images)

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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - Lindsay Lohan is a wreck.

That’s not up for debate.

The nation has watched with fascination, and borderline sick obsession, as this once beautiful teenage starlet has transformed into the drug and alcohol abusing 26-year-old mess she is today.

Her seeming inability to overcome her addictions have yielded what would appear from the outside looking in, magnetism toward behavior that lands her in front of a judge.

Since Jan. 2007, she’s spent 250 days in five different rehab facilities stemming from at least 20 separate courtroom appearances and six probation violations, according to CNN.

She faced possible jail time in her latest hearing Monday, a result of charges that she lied to police about a crash on the Pacific Coast Highway last June, a wreck that hospitalized the actress.

Below is the conversation held by the Junkies the day after on 106.7 The Fan:

EB: I think Lindsay has just brought all these problems on herself. Her parents are clearly crazy. Dad’s had drug issues. Mom’s got drug issues. There’s no question why she’s this way.

Lurch: She had no shot.

There’s one distinguishable characteristic of this courtroom visit that sets it apart from most of her others, though.

EB: So I’m watching this live on TMZ as they have cameras there in the courtroom. This is right up your alley. You like cameras in the courtroom. I actually felt bad for this crack whore for this one reason. There were so many microphones there, she had zero attorney-client privilege or confidentiality. ZERO. Everything she was whispering to her attorneys were being broadcast all over the world.

Lurch: Oh, you could hear it?

EB: You could hear everything. She kept telling her attorney ‘Sit down. Sit down. Stop saying that.’

Cakes: Pretty fun client!

EB: She actually hates her attorney. She’s like ‘Will you shut up?’ She hates him. She kept saying ‘Will you shut up? You’re killing me.’ She just wanted to get out of there.

Cakes: He’s just adding billable hours.

EB: The judge would say something and Lindsay wouldn’t understand and she’d look at him and go ‘What? What?’ And he’d go ‘Don’t worry. All of these counts, they’re stayed. Don’t worry, you’re not going to jail. You’re walking out of here.’ So all of these private conversations that this crack whore’s having are being broadcast to the world. And even though all of these problems are brought on by her family and her own doing, I felt bad for her. Her privacy was clearly violated. CLEARLY! Right?!

It’s worth noting; those of us that aren’t lawyers should assume ignorance on laws regarding the broadcast of courtroom procedures.

It’s equally important to note, EB displayed visceral concern for Ms. Lohan, as though he had been manipulated and exploited by the same high-powered microphones that picked up Lohan’s private conversations with her lawyer.

He expressed deep sympathy for her for longer than I’d care to transcribe, which you can hear … here:

Now let’s explore the possibilities the cognitive dissonance EB is experiencing has caused to him to ignore, as I’m sure others who watched the televised proceedings felt similar discomfort.

Exhibit A: She’s an actress. It’s quite possible she fully understood her conversations were being picked up on mic. It’s even more possible she requested to be recorded, in an attempt to compel pity from viewers in her ongoing battle of public perception.

Exhibit B: This was a hearing; a one-off. It wasn’t some three-day trial in which a judge or jury’s decision could be tainted by media spin. The conversations with her lawyer, while shared with viewers at home, were not heard by the presiding judge, so they are irrelevant to the outcome. This makes the above possibility, even more, possible.

Exhibit C: Her entire adult life has played out in the courtroom setting. It’s literally impossible for us to view her in a worse light. She’s bottomed out. All that’s left is for us to feel bad for her and begin the righteous process of building her back up (See again … Exhibit A).

“Today marks the first day of the rest of her life and her comeback is right before us,” Mark Heller, Lohan’s lawyer told reporters.

If this is a highly orchestrated comeback, you have to credit Lindsay with flawless execution in fooling everyone.

She’s been sentenced to 90 days in lockdown rehab, followed by 30 days of community service and 18 months of psychological counseling.

What do you think: Was she exploited for TV ratings again or fully self-aware?

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