As I was combing through the fourth segment of Thursday’s show, searching for quotes about how great a person Brooks Laich is – which was easy because it’s true – to piece together a nice post promoting his new Twitter account, I heard something I literally replayed 10 times because I couldn’t believe it.
And then 10 more times so everyone in the office could hear.
Then 10 more for anyone walking by.
What started off as an innocent conversation about how unbearably cold it’s been – because D.C. and Fargo are neighbors on a map – became a lead-by-example demonstration of how to make your children hate you.
I won’t reveal which Junkie it was (Jason Bishop) who made the revelation, but I will say, this man is coincidentally also not on Twitter and will never need birth control again.
Now imagine your eyes don’t see parenthesis and reread that last bit.
Here’s the startling wintry conversation:
JP: Very very cold. Twenty-two.
Cakes: I know people that live like in Wisconsin and Minnesota laugh at that – that’s like balmy weather for them – but twenty-two is pretty cold for around here.
Sturch: And my kids were complaining that it was too cold in the house yesterday. It was 66!
Stop the tape!
He said it like he was saying something dissenting from what JP and Cakes had already said. 66 is not 75. It IS too cold!
Alright, press play.
EB: Oh my God, you’re killing them!
Sturch: Well if they die in sixty-six degree temps then they got problems.
Yes, they would have problems. They’d be DEAD and you might feel horrible.
Cakes: Just remember, his New Years resolutions were: 1) save more money 2) play more golf.
JP: Just save one degree and you’re saving money.
Sturch: Sixty-six at night when you got four blankets on you is comfortable, in my house anyway.
First of all, take a lesson from Cakes on pool water. Sixty-six degrees ‘in your house’ is the same as sixty-six degrees in everyone else’s house.
It’s cold everywhere in the middle of winter!
Secondly, that you have to use FOUR blankets just to be comfortable would be laughable if I didn’t feel bad for your children.
And when you have to buy more blankets so everyone in the house has four, it defeats the purpose of freezing your kids so you can play more golf.
Turn up the heat, you psycho.
Saving money shouldn’t come at the cost of your kids’ lives.
Please listen to JP talk some more below and follow Brooks Laich on Twitter.