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Teddy Finally Emerges Victorious After Eight Years of Presidential Failure

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Credit: Tim DeHart

Credit: Tim DeHart

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WASHINGTON (CBSDC) - After 526 attempts spanning eights seasons of baseball in the nation’s capital Teddy has finally emerged victorious from a presidents race at Nationals Park.

The presidents race that takes place once per home game at Nationals Park featuring four ex-presidents – Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt, Abraham “Abe” Lincoln, George Washington and Thomas “T.J.” Jefferson” – hasn’t been kind to poor Teddy.

The race has taken place nearly every home game in the middle of the 4th inning since Washington Nationals inaugural season in 2005, and until today, Teddy has never won.

Often times a video is displayed on the giant HD scoreboard in right-center field as the race commences of the befuddled president getting turned around in downtown D.C., whether it be to take an untimely tour of the U.S. Capitol building or to stop to grab a hot dog near the Washington Monument. Whatever the case, he’s either late, too slow, or something else arises proving that poor Teddy just doesn’t have what it takes to earn himself a victory.

He has earned himself a rabid fan base through the years though with his loveable loser ways, which was recently revealed to include the likes of U.S. Senator John McCain, who gave the last place hero a pep talk earlier in the week.

But today’s victory, helped made possible by preventative measures against his three rivals from the visiting Philly Phanatic, marks the dawning of a new era of baseball in Washington, D.C.

Albeit trivial, Teddy represented something far greater than a silly race between caricatures of presidents for children to cheer on in the 4th and take pictures with in the park throughout home Nats games. Teddy represented the impossible climb out of the NL East for the Washington Nationals.

And now, just two days after the Nats proved that nothing is impossible by clinching the NL East championship, so too did Teddy. He pulled that winning spirit from the depths of his soul amidst all onlookers jeering him every step of the way, doubting he actually had it in him.

We are all Teddy.

At 1-525, Teddy … is a champion.

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